Imagine State could beat us...
Imagine if... they won....
You may say that I’m a dreamer...
But I’m not the only one...
Last 10: 9-1
Last Game: 23-20, LSU (2016)
The Bulldogs snapped a 14-game losing streak in 2014, which came on the heels of a previous 7-game losing streak. So, if I remember my SAT correctly, that means we are currently two games in to State’s 21-game losing streak to LSU. During that 14-game win streak, LSU only won two games by less than 10 points (2009 and 2000) and none by three or less. However, in the last two years, State has lost two games by a combined 5 points. So, while State is back to its losing ways and has lost consecutive games, they are the clubhouse leader in moral victories.
You can’t measure heart, but you can measure a team’s winning percentage. And for State, it is .056 against LSU in this century. Keep up the good work, y’all.
ARDEN KEY BACK
by Paul Crewe
We’ve yet to see Arden Key in action in 2017 and he finally returned to full contact practice this week and my god he took that offseason training program seriously.
POSEUR’S OLD MAN RANDOM 10+2
Usually, it’s 10+1, but I added one song to the end in honor of Jessi Zazu of Those Darlins who died at the young age of 28 after a fight with cancer. She was far too young. This week also took the great Grant Hart, the drummer of Hüsker Dü. The trusty iPod did randomize their friends and labelmates the Minutemen and their “Three Car Jam.” I felt that was a fitting tribute. Yes, it’s just three guys revving their engines for 30 seconds. Take that, Hüskers!
But I also closed things with another Hüsker Dü song, from the classic Zen Arcade. Hüsker Dü is one of the foundational bands of the Alternative Nation revolution, but they never got to enjoy the spoils of their work. The band broke up acrimoniously in the late 80s, and Hart never quite found the solo success his rival Bob Mould did. Hart struggled with drug abuse, an AIDS misdiagnosis, his house burning down (really), and paying the bills with critical cachet instead of money. He had a hard life, but his musical output is simply brilliant, providing the underlying pop hooks underneath the hardcore wall of noise.
I’m digging the random choices this week. We start out, appropriately, with some Cowboy Mouth. But the playlist really gets going right at song five. I’m always down for some Minor Threat, then we get one of the low key best guitar songs by Neko Case. I love that riff.
Hey, then let’s swing on the greatest rap group of all time. Wu Tang is for the children. And just when I thought I couldn’t get more hype, it shuffled over to a song from Mclusky Do Dallas, one of my all-time favorite records. Hell, it’s a shuffle that was going so well, it checked in on the Beatles for a cool down.
The freaks are hungry, daddy. And they are coming for Mississippi State.
SEXIEST MAN ALIVE
by Paul Crewe
Screw the Heisman.
Instead of a truly unique name this week, we go the other way this week. Leo Lewis isn’t just the central figure in the Ole Miss infractions hearings, but he has an almost perfect football name. It’s got alliteration, and simply reads like a football name It’s the kind of name Charles Dickens would have come up with for a football player had he lived a century and half later and in a different country.
WOW CHECK OUT THIS SWEET PHOTO
by Paul Crewe
LSU’s media team has really outdone themselves this time. They captured this beautiful panoramic shot of the LSU equipment truck pulling into Starkville for the weekend’s big game!
Derrius Guice. Guice ranks 27th in the nation in rushing yards per game, so he needs to pick up the pace there a little bit. However, his 4 rushing touchdowns ranks 5th in the nation, and it’s all about scoring, right? Guice needs to bust some big runs to help out the ol’ highlight reel, but if he keeps scoring at this rate, he will be standing on a podium.
Corey Thompson. With 3.5 sacks, Thompson is just 0.5 sacks behind any other player in a Power 5 conference. It’s amazing he can put up those numbers while also being eligible to collect social security. We’re not sure if players as old as Thompson are eligible for postseason college football awards, but he is certainly eligible to enroll in the company 401(k). Ask your HR representative.
Greedy Williams. Two interceptions ranks 3rd in the country. However, Greedy also has three passes broken up, giving him more PBU than the two players with more picks than he has combined. Greedy Williams, no joke here, can literally claim to have the best statistical record of any cornerback in the country. And he’s a freshman. DBU is alive and well, so it seems the Thorpe Award has to go work on retyping their Watch list.
IT WAS TUESDAY
Inspired by PodKatt
Written by Billy Gomila
Photos by Paul Crewe
Dan Mullen: It was twenty years ago. You hadn't promoted yourself to head coach yet. You were just a petty defensive line coach. Huh! You and your gang of marauders gathered to raid across the practice field for food... weapons...
[indicates coaching headset]
Mullen: ... hmph. Sacks. I was a lowly graduate assistant. A simple man with a simple code: justice. I gathered the few scout team players that I could to stand against you.
Mullen: You and your bullies were driven back by walk-ons with option pitches! My quarterback saved his offense at the cost of his own life. You had him sacked as you ran away! A hero... at 30 yards.
Orgeron: I'm sorry. I don't remember any of it.
Mullen: You don't remember?
Orgeron: For you, the day Coach O graced your practice field was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.
For BIG. GAME. PREVIEW.:— Dan Davis (@ATVS_PaulCrewe) September 13, 2017
What is your favorite thing to do in Starkville, Mississippi?
Leave— Poseur (@ATVSPoseur) September 13, 2017
Leave— PodKATT (@valleyshook) September 13, 2017
Keep driving through it.— Jeff Pizzo (@JeffPizzo1) September 13, 2017
It seems we have reached a consensus.
OOTD: Mississippi State
Before we dig into the uniforms of the esteemed Mississippi State Bulldogs, may I direct your attention to Minnesota, where, apparently, they’re going to play football with the Buc-ee’s logo on the side of their helmets?
I smell an NCAA violation.
Nothing says, “WE ARE A TOUGH DEFENSIVE TEAM” like a cartoon gopher. Bow down to our massive gopher teeth! Unless the helmet is a complex homage to Caddy Shack, in which case I say … just wear a normal-looking helmet and get more modern pop culture references.
Moving on -- I sought out the expertise of the on Mississippi State uniforms from a site called Hail State Unis, as you do. It’s www.hailstateunis.com if you hate yourself enough to spend an afternoon perusing a history of State uniforms. (In all seriousness, I am shocked an LSU fan hasn’t created a similar site yet.)
Apparently, State standardized its maroon jersey to be in line with its gray and white ones, and THANK GOD, right? They’re projected to wear maroon logos with gray pants against LSU. I support the use of gray to really capture the ennui of living in Starkville, Mississippi (population: 17 people, 17,000 cowbells).
State provided its fans with a helpful lower dome/upper dome dressing chart, which was an adorable reminder to the tens of people who will attend the game this weekend. CLANGA! Expect to see a lot of maroon, which ranks behind Crimson, Ole Miss red and whatever the Aggies are wearing in the Least Favorite Reds in the SEC West Power Rankings. Even in a ranking of bad things, State still plays second fiddle to Ole Miss.
by Paul Crewe
Familiarize yourself with some of Mississippi State’s biggest playmakers (or WeRateBulldogs).
A true dual-threat QB, Fitzgerald can ring a cow bell while running for his life. He’s pictured here accepting a participation trophy after a 6-7 season. 13/10 would boop endlessly.
A smiling tame lady bulldog is the team’s running back. 12/10 would scritch his beard.
The rare salmon-coated confused-by-your-question bulldog who is also State’s leading receiver. Somebody help him out. He just needs an answer. 12/10 would snug console regularly.
State’s leading tackler just found Starkville’s best doggo dentist. 14/10 fix that gap, Dezzo. Would still pat.
H*ckin’ elite doggo holding his prize. Please do quit smoking it’s very bad for you, pupper. 12/10 I still love you smokey.
As dictated to Poseur by an anonymous CBS Sports employee
There’s been some talk that LSU is back to their old ways thanks to two early blowout victories, but we all know this is the same old LSU. They can’t throw the ball, and they are just going to run the ball over and over again. OH, they stopped BYU? Big whoop. BYU ranks 125th in the nation in total offense, and they even had a game against an FCS team to pad their stats.
Speaking of padding their stats, LSU got to do just that against their FCS opponent, and now some deluded poor souls think Danny Etling can play quarterback. I mean, I grant that he is ravishingly handsome, but he is going to get punched in the face like he’s Ryan Gosling and the State defense is Harrison Ford. Even after playing two stiffs, Danny Etling ranks 80th in the nation in passing yards. You think the 80th best quarterback is gonna scare anyone?
And this Mississippi State team can play. The only better dual threat quarterbacks in the country are Lamar Jackson and Jalen Hurts. And I’ll take Fitzgerald’s senior experience over Hurts. This team playing in front of their home crowd and all of those cowbells? LSU’s young kids are going to shrink in their first exposure to the bright lights of their first road games. Always take experience in these early season matchups. LSU will be lucky to stay within two touchdowns. But if they do, they’ll be lucky to win and it won’t prove anything. They’ll still be a bunch of frauds with no quarterback.
MR. O WILL SEE YOU NOW
by Paul Crewe
We meet again, State. I’d like to welcome you to our torture playground. I’d really like to hate you, State, I tried. But this is not a love/hate relationship. This is not even a hate/hate relationship. This is a yearly exercise in domination. You, State, are our playthings. It’s not that I hadn’t hoped that our relationship could be more. It’s only that you exhibit being incapable of being little more than used and abused. Do you enjoy this as much as I do, State? My tastes are very... singular... I hope you understand.
There may be whips and chains. I would say you can tell us how you like it, but the reality is we’re going to give it to you anyway.
We exercise control in all things, State. Saturday night will be no different.
Mississippi State: 3
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