Sometimes during football season, Mike the Tiger shares his concerns with the world.
Can we talk for a minute?
Something weird happened last week and it was NOT OKAY. Honestly, I’ve been so mad that I haven’t even been able to talk to you.
What happened last Saturday just shook me to the core. It made me question everything I’d heard about LSU and its strengths.
I probably don’t even need to tell you what happened last Saturday, September 16, 2017, that upset me so much, but I will because it’s good to talk these things out, I think
I woke up and it was GAME DAY and I know it was GAME DAY because my meal had been shaped like an ugly cartoon character, which is the signal that GAME DAY is coming. But seriously, who picks these other teams’ mascots? A bulldog? Oh yeah, sooooo scared. I’m shook. Quaking in my stripes.
So, I eat the meat and I head out to my yard and it was early, so I figured there would only be a few dozen thousand people out there for GAME DAY. I strolled out casually, like, NBD, it’s fine.
And there was freaking NO ONE. Like, there was one half-sized snack running around outside my terrarium while the taller snacks poked their phones and drank brown water. (They tell me the little ones are called children. Sounds delicious.)
I’m sorry, but isn’t GAME DAY the one where you guys come and build those cute huts and offer food sacrifices in my honor? That’s what happened before and it was awesome and I was honestly deeply bothered that you didn’t show up this past Saturday.
And I don’t know what else happened last Saturday, aside from you ignoring me on GAME DAY, but people keep trying to make me run laps. I was NOT TARGETING that stuffed animal. Forward momentum. I couldn’t stop. You people were warned.
Perhaps Ginger, the nice one who apparently talks about me like it is her actual job, is right and I shouldn’t run to you guys like I’m going to eat you so often.
Y’all, this life is so exhausting.
I’m nothing without my snacks. I mean, fans. Definitely fans.
It was my BIRTHDAY last week and everyone knows that a celebrity like me celebrates his birthday ALL WEEK so when I didn’t get a second meat bow on my lunch Thursday I was not totally freaked out, but then no one came to GAME DAY and it made me feel like you don’t care. Am I too old for you now that I’m ONE YEAR OLD? Get over yourselves, I don’t look a day over eight months. Most. Stunning. Tiger. Ever. #wokeuplikethis
To recap: last Saturday was my worst one here so far, and if I have to eat food shaped like an orange (what kind of mascot is an ORANGE? Sounds delicious.) then the least you could do is show up for GAME DAY.
Fall’s out, Claws out –