PSYCHE! YOU DAMN RIGHT WE GOT MORE HAIR JOKES

1. So how exactly does Kirby achieve that haircut? Is it a straight bowl, or more of a colander?

Check out that picture! Smart’s hair style is literally unchanged since college. There isn’t a bowl that’s been invented yet that can create results that precise. No mother’s hand is that consistent over a period of decades.

2. Does his mother still do that to his hair? If so, why has Georgia Children & Family Services never been called in?

No, there is only one possible explanation for what otherwise appears to be an eerie replication. Some time during his teen years, Kirby Smart mastered the art of Imposing His Will on his hairline. Simply put, his hair hasn’t grown since the age of fifteen.

3. With all of the enemies he has consumed in recent years, why has Kirby not been able to successfully gain a better hair style?

Grafting that unique sense of self-control onto the Process -- those in the know like to refer to it as “the Look” -- is what has transformed Georgia football. Sure, he could change his hair style to something trendier, but then Georgia would risk winding up in Shreveport.

4. Was the hair part of Kirby’s pitch for the job maybe? Another thing about Georgia that hasn’t changed since 1980?

As far as Kirby’s job pitch goes, he doesn’t like to talk about his hair command. He leaves that up to Jimmy Sexton.