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How To Football: Week 8

Welcome to Aftercare Week

Allen Kee
WatsonTiger Excel Productions, LLC.

Fan Interference Shift

We start off the week with an error: Georgia State is playing Arkansas State, not Georgia Southern. Southern already played the Ind...Red Wolves in Jonesboogie and got after ASU 28-21. Georgia State should present less of a challenge for the stumbling hosts.

And then at 8:00 on the mothership, we get a total hammer fight between Stanford and Arizona State. This is all assuming you’re not an Astros fan and/or not interfering with Mookie Betts.

Mountain Wack Shift

Boise State survived a squeaker against Nevada last week after dropping their second game of the year against San Diego State. Speaking of somewhat disappointing G5 teams, they play Colorado State, who has won two in a row but the stink of a loss to Illinois State will not wash off.

An hour after that, Air Force and UNLV kicks off. This might actually wind up being an entertaining, close game, but only because these teams are both kind of equally bad.

And as always, your appetizer is some sweet Ivy League action between Yale and Penn.

Let Go (Of Gus) And Let God Shift

Two weeks after their upset at the hands of their arch-rivals, Oklahoma returns to DFW to play TCU. That loss to Ohio State really did a number on the Horned Frogs, as they haven’t scored more than 17 points since then and have dropped two games to Texas and Texas Tech while squeezing by Iowa State. Whether or not this game is good or not depends on what TCU defense shows up: the one that allowed 31 points to Texas or the one that held Texas Tech to 17 in a losing effort. If it’s the former, then this may be a washout.

Under the coverage of the Great Permacould, Michigan State hosts Michigan. Gametime forcast: feels like 41 degrees and a 66% chance of precipitation. So, yeah, I don’t think I need to say anything else.

Maryland is at Iowa, I don’t really know what I was thinking put it in there either. It’s 11 AM football in late October, you know what you’re getting.

What you don’t know you’re getting is Auburn at Ole Miss. From what I can tell, last week’s loss to Tennessee was their own doing more than it was the Vawlz. If they allowed 30 to Tennessee, I shudder to think of what Ole Miss is capable of doing to them on offense. The only question becomes “can Ole Miss get enough stops”.

Illinois at Wisconsin rounds out the nooners. At the tail end of the shift we get Utah State at Wyoming, cable packages pending. YOUR Aggies are 20th team in S&P+ with the 15th ranked offense. Watch, watch as my beautiful Bull children run wild on the Pokes from the Powder River.

Clemsoning Shift

After their scare against Syracuse, Clemson has looked much better, but my concerns are still there and punching the snot out of Georgia Tech and Wake Forest doesn’t really move the needle on me. Saturday we’ll get a better look at how they stack up against a Top 20 team when they host NC State. The Wolfpack are balanced on both sides of the ball so Clemson will really need a complete performance to put them away.

Now that we’re done examining a proper good game, let’s all point and laugh at Mizzou.

They scheduled Memphis. For homecoming. Just to be clear, this is the school that is credited as inventing homecoming. And they scheduled Memphis.

They scheduled. Memphis. For homecoming.

What an incredibly stupid decision. This isn’t what we meant when we say “be more SEC”, y’all.

The Washington dream is over, which means it’s time for the PAC-12 to put all their eggs in the Colorado basket in terms of the playoffs. Will this happen? Absolutely not. We’ll dive more into this later, but the PAC-12 as a conference is nowhere near competent enough to put the fix in for the Buffs, and they will likely drop a fair-play heart breaker to Washington Saturday afternoon.

Respecting The Flag Shift

After 15 years of waiting and waiting, showing up to every single episode of College GameDay regardless of locale, the college football kickoff show will finally hail from Pullman. This has become an oddly emotional thing, as a LOT of college football fans don’t know college football Saturdays without the welcoming sight of Ol’ Crimson waving in the background.

To celebrate this occasion, Washington State is...wearing all anthracite uniforms. Against Oregon.

Ducks by 16.

Speaking of the PAC-12 being incompetent, the south-leading USC travels to 20th-ranked Utah to play in one of the more unique and intimidating environments in prime time. And you can’t watch it because you don’t have the PAC-12 Network. Nobody has the PAC-12 Network. This is a product that you are just going to have to seek out illegally, and it is all their fault.

Anyway, because this week has trash brains, The Ohio State at Purdue is the ABC game of the week. This games hold a deep personal significance, as Purdue’s upset of The Ohio State in 2011 sparked the first ripple of The Traveling The, something Ohio State won back against Penn State and wears for the first time since 2015. The lore goes that they can only lose it to Purdue or an equally calamitous opponent, so here is our shot to get the ball rolling for a third time.

Vandy at Kentucky rounds off the shift.

Local News Except On The West Coast Shift

Only two nightcaps this week, Arizona at UCLA and San Jose State and San Diego.

Yeah this shift sucks. What it needs is a silent guardian. A watchful protector.

A dark knight.

Nevada at Hawaii, 11:00 pm, Stadium App