Friday Bye Week Power Rankings: Reese’s

As Halloween approaches, the same tired debate about candy corn will surely emerge (it’s fine) and other arguments about candy will surely bubble back to the top.

But one inarguable truth is that of all the Halloween giveaways, Reese’s are the crown jewel of every haul. Your bag’s worth is determined by how many orange and brown wrappers are inside of it. There are no single pieces of candy that drive more in return in trade. Even as an adult, they are the first thing we sneak out of our younger sibling or child’s plastic pumpkin when they’re not looking and the candy we put aside when giving out candy.

But there are many, many, many different products that fall under the Reese’s umbrella, not just cups. There are more Reese’s products than there are Marvel universes. This is a definitive ranking of them.

Note: products made with Reese’s or Reese’s ingredients are not included, such as Breyer’s ice cream or Edwards’ pies. We have also excluded Reese’s Puffs.

1. Reese’s Big Cups with Reese’s Pieces. The undisputed king is Reese’s...combined with Reese’s. It’s a “cookies and cream flavored Oreos” thing that doesn’t make sense logically, but sometimes your trash human brain is just wildly off base. The double stacking of two premier candies with similar ideas with different textures can only do good, not harm. Possibly the only time inbreeding is okay. The big cup is what really makes the difference here, because you have to give the Pieces space to breath.
2. Reese’s Sticks. “Wait, isn’t that just a Nutty Buddy?,” you ask. “Yes it is,” I say. “But with one caveat: it’s made with Reese’s peanut butter. Nutty Buddies are great and a top-tier Little Debbie snack, and I give them credit for getting to the peanut butter and wafer dipped in chocolate thing first, but Reese’s just came along and made a better product. It be like that sometimes.”
3. Reese’s Big Cups. Again, regular ole Reese’s are great, but sometimes doubling the amount of peanut butter present can make anything better. Overkill is underrated.
4. Reese’s Pieces. M&M’s suck. It’s just chocolate wrapped in chocolate, and that only works for Three Musketeers. So I’m glad Reese’s stepped into the game and showed M&M’s how to do the hard-shell candy game. I also appreciate how Pieces taste completely different from every other Reese’s product despite being literally the same thing. I know the hard shell changes things, but even the peanut has a different consistency.
5. Reese’s Holiday Cups (Pumpkins, Ghosts, Eggs, Trees, Hearts, etc.) Again, I can’t explain why or how, but the different shaped cups are vastly superior to the regular ole cups. Anecdotally, I want to say that the chocolate on the outside is smoother and by virtue of being oddly shaped that have more area to them, but I don’t really have a way to prove it. it just...is. I’m not the only person to experience this.
6. Reese’s Cups with Reese’s Pieces. Same logic as before, but with less area between the pieces.
7. Reese’s Cups. The OG. A classic, a staple, an iconic powerhouse, and still the eighth best product in the family.
8. Reese’s Fast Break. Again, logic dictates that peanut butter and nougat shouldn’t go well together since they are so alike in texture and flavor. But they do, and that’s the best draw to them. These bad boys are HEAVY, like noticeably heavier than anything else on the display rack. And as such, they are filling. Moon Pies originated as a lunch for miners, something not quite filling but something to keep you sated for a while. Reese’s Fast Breaks are a damn lunch if you need them to be. These are not meant to be eaten as “snacks”. This is the utilitarian Reese’s.
9. Reese’s Outrageous. This one flips the script on us. There is no peanut butter inside one of these bad boys, save for inside the Reese’s Pieces. Just caramel and pieces wrapped in chocolate. It works, but it’s pretty tenuous.
10. Reese’s Dark Chocolate Cups. I like dark chocolate well enough, but quality dark chocolate needs to be enjoyed on its own, not paired with anything. Still not bad.
11. Reese’s White Chocolate Cups. The white chocolate just isn’t great.
12. Reese’s Minatures. They’re good, but the investment required to get one is insane. I realize this is hilarious coming from somebody who is constantly striving to develop a more efficient method of halving crawfish, but I prefer to view that as paying respect to the dead mudbug for paying the ultimate sacrifice. Nobody died to make a shot glass version of Reese’s that takes longer to unwrap than it does to eat.
13. Reese’s Whipps. The Reese’s appropriation of Nutty Buddy bangs, but their amalgamation of Three Musketeers leaves something to be desired. I want my Reese’s peanut butter to be thick and coarse in a weird way, now light and airy.
14. Reese’s Crispy Crunchy. Here’s where they start to lose me. This is a Reese’s Butterfinger, but Butterfingers aren’t great to start with. Also, they include peanuts, which starts the unfortunate streak of Reese’s products that have peanuts in them.
15. Reese’s Crunchy Cups. Unlike the Reese’s with Reese’s Pieces, the addition of actual peanuts to Reese’s doesn’t work out. I like peanuts just fine, but the peanut butter is enough.
16. Reese’s Nutrageous. And they just keep on doing it.
17. Reese’s Crunchers. Stop.
18. Reese’s Snack Mix. Please
19. Reese’s Chocolate Chip Cups. Same thing, but with chocolate chips. This is just reductive.