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Nothing Really Matters, Everything is Awful, Geaux be Dumb

The only way to survive this life is to love something dumb.

LSU fans have been a bit ... emotive as of late. Billboards, airplane flyovers, white outs, Go Fund Me accounts. The nonsense targeting call against Devin White has intensified our fiery rage in this most important week of our regular season.

And I’ve seen LSU fans being called dumb for their outrage and expression. Hell, I’ve thought some things were dumb myself.

But when you think about it … aren’t all sports dumb? If it’s dumb to contribute $10 to a GoFundMe for a #FreeDevinWhite billboard in Birmingham or Game Day flyover, how is it less dumb to spend ten times that amount (or more) to attend a football game?

Why do we bother to dress in our school colors? It’s dumb to limit your wardrobe to only one specific shade of two specific colors.

(many of you don’t)


What about when I make seven-layer dip for a tailgate party — is that dumb? Why should anyone make anything special anytime, ever? Shouldn’t we just eat turkey sandwiches and Little Debbies for lunch every day? Why put boudin on biscuits or sausage in red beans?

Why is one thing less dumb than the other? Oh, your ticket money goes to the Athletic Department of the school to support the athletes, so that’s less dumb? Well someone got paid to make that billboard, and that person gets to take their paycheck home and buy the stuff to make seven-layer dip so they can go yell at the TV while they dumbly watch LSU play Bama in football, too.

Is that #FreeDevinWhite billboard or flyover something I personally would spend my $10 on? Hell no, I have more important things to waste money on, like extra power packs in this stupid iPhone game I’m addicted to. (Am I dumb for investing in a dumb iPhone game instead of a fan-led effort to troll our SEC overlords over a bad call that will affect part of a game that in the long run is just young men bashing into each other for about an hour while we all hold our breath collectively and doesn’t really change the totality of life in general?)

It’s just … Why is one thing dumb when the other isn’t? On an existential level, we are all just blobs of cells being held to this spinning ball of rock (that we’re choking to death by merely being here) by a force greater than us and no one actually knows what comes next so before This blob becomes worm food, it might as well enjoy the hell out of the dumbest things possible, including whether or how a guy in purple and gold throws a ball or runs with it before the guy in crimson tries to knock him down, while the guys in black and white decide if they should throw a yellow flag (We’re playing Bama. They won’t.)

Look, the world right now seems like a tire fire wrapped in a dumpster fire surrounded by haunted flamethrowers. And so we throw ourselves into a contest where teenagers and early 20 somethings toss around a ball and if there’s anything more dumb than that, I don’t know.

Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return.

Because nothing in this stupid college football game actually matters at all, everything about it matters that much more, it seems.

By damn, in the LSU fandom, we know about flavor. We know about extra. We know about Lagniappe. These things are our specialty. Caring too much and too hard about things that are Dumb is, perhaps, the best thing about us. Maybe second to our cooking.

So, this #BamaHateWeek, when they say you’re dumb for posting #FreeDevinWhite memes or arguing about football or missed holding calls from 2016 or if Miles should’ve put in Jarrett Lee and if Bama should’ve been able to play in the BCS game to begin with, say HELL YEAH I AM DUMB FOR CARING ABOUT THIS.

We are all so blessed to be Dumb As Dirt college football fans who take this Stupid As Hell game so Ridiculously Seriously. And we owe it to ourselves and our team and the Football Gods (for those who believe) and future generations to do the Dumbest things (that are not violent, overtly mean, racist, sexist or homophobic) in the name of loving this Dumb as Dirt LSU vs. Alabama football game.

Geaux be dumb, y’all.