Playing “Nice” — Florida, Ft. Spencer Hall

Waaaailcome.

Every Day Should Be Saturday’s own Spencer Hall, also of the Shutdown Fullcast, a Florida fan of Earth-112 and LSU fan of Earth-125, was good enough to answer some hard-hitting questions regarding Dan Mullen’s relationship to the Church of Scientology.

1. In honor of Fat Bear Week, please explain the appropriate bear avatar for both Ed Orgeron and Dan Mullen.

Ed Orgeron is definitely Wojtek the artillery bear. No one can really understand him, and that doesn’t impact his effectiveness in battle at all. Also, like Ed Orgeron, Voytek was picked up for sentiment first, and later because he became very useful.

Dan Mullen is Grizzly from We Bare Bears. Real outgoing, not always real good at it, and still somehow the leader of this whole thing. If you told me he signed into hotels as “Crowbar Jones” I would 100% believe you. I’m not apologizing for suggesting a We Bare Bears character, it’s your fault not mine if you haven’t watched it.

2. Now that Jeremy Foley is no longer running the Florida athletic department, do you think the Gators are done buying coaches at IKEA?

I should point out: I disagree with the premise that we weren’t buying coaches from IKEA in the first place. Both lasted about three or four years, and looked real rough towards the end.

3. Speaking of Mullen, do you think he helped get over the Kentucky loss by getting some audit counseling from his local Scientology center?

That’s down in Clearwater, about a two hour drive to the south. Way too far. Spiritual counseling in Alachua County is taking a welding torch to a campus police boot on a car while quietly muttering “fuck the police.” HE did this, because we all do this. It’s in our curriculum.

4. It seems like a safe bet to assume Todd Grantham’s emotional blitzing stems from some sort of childhood trauma. A potty training incident with his mother? Or maybe something involving a “pull” door that he was really determined to push open?

Todd Grantham’s emotional blitzing comes from a trauma in childhood. Hint: Play soft zone against some bad shrimp at a family dinner out, and your ass will never, ever forgive you for not immediately blitzing your way to the restroom immediately.

5. Neither one of these teams had high expectations in preseason, but here we are with both LSU and Florida ranked. This game is going to be incredibly stupid, isn’t it?

This game is always stupid. I think seven of the last ten were decided by single scores, and not real high ones, either. There will be a fake punt, someone will try to call back to the jump pass disastrously, Joe Burrow will go 6/24 for 104 yards but somehow throw three TDs. LSU will win because for some reason LSU is allergic to basic football math this year. We will have the same box score, and somehow lose by four points.