Playing “Nice” — Arkansas Fight

1. Can somebody up there talk Double-J into spending some actual smart money and offer Nick Saban 20 mill a year to coach the Cowboys?

I’m pretty sure his grandson needs at least three more starts at QB before he starts to open up the checkbook. But with our luck he’d probably make us take Jason Garrett in the process.

2. Has Chad Morris brought in his much cooler cousin Zack to talk speak to the team any?

Wait a second. Are you implying that the guy pictured above ISN’T the cooler one in the family?

3. So now that BERT has gone, has his precious shacket gone to good use? Tarp for the baseball stadium or something?

We tried that idea but Dave Van Horn wouldn’t go for it. Something about it covering only three quarters of the infield before it started to fall apart. Now we’ve got it set up as an exhibit at Crystal Bridges (the art museum set up by the Waltons). It’s currently in the American Tragedies section.

4. What if we did the world a favor and melted down the ugly-ass boot? I bet we could maybe turn it into a new bench or something? What say you?

That sounds fine with me. We need something to pay for Morris’ Air Jordan budget.

5. As per custom, what is your favorite way to devour your own mascot?

Give me some authentic tacos al pastor all day every day. Gotta have it cooked low and slow. Corn tortillas and topped off with a pineapple salsa.