I wasn’t going to get all bogged down in what I have given up for Lent, mostly because I’m a Tiger and I don’t think I have to. But I’m basically a spiritual mentor and guide for most of you, so I thought it might be a good idea to show you how it is done. I like to set a good example for the Faithful.
First up, I have given up losing to Notre Dame for Lent and, quite frankly, would like to see the same commitment to this cause from others in the LSU family. Starting the year off by losing to the Fighting Rudys was pretty tough, and then the baseball Tigers BEAT them, which was so great and then they LOST, like two games in a row, and I was one of those gifs where the person just stares at you.
So, I enjoin my fellow Tigers to give up losing to Notre Dame for Lent, and for forever as well. Please and thank you.
I am also giving up liking Canadian things (except for Virtue and Moir, like ARE THEY?), which y’all totally get, next question.
And I’m giving up Not Being A Basketball School because, despite some major blowouts that made me want to rage in my night house, there’s been some serious play going on in the dome thingy next to my yard. (And the Lady Tigers are RANKED, y’all.)
Also, speaking of Lady Tigers, to the Lady Tiger Gymnasts: Y’ALL DON’T GIVE UP A DAMN THING, YOU DESERVE ALL OF THE THINGS, DON’T CHANGE, MIKE LOVES YOU. JUST AS YOU ARE. HIGH PAW. #GYMSCHOOL
Finally, I talked to the team (i.e. a very frightened vet student who maybe misinterpreted me taking her aside for a chat to be, like, slightly aggressive) and everyone agrees that all of the Non-Tigers need to give up saying that we smell like corndogs because 1) it’s not original anymore, y’all just stole that from another school, who stole it from another school 20 years ago, 2) we don’t smell like corndogs (sounds delicious) and even if we did, they’re Not Bad and 3) WE HAVE A ME AND THAT SHOULD BE INTIMIDATING.
Like, there are waaaay, just way, more things (have you met our football coach) that you could mock us for, be frigging creative. (I mean, not naming names, but some of y’all changed your mascot to an imaginary thing. SHARKS SWIM. So, if you are creative enough to suspend reality and believe in a Landshark, you can come up with an original reason to tease us.)
Apparently they don’t make me give up meat on Fridays during Lent, because I’m a Tiger and literally they don’t make give up anything I have access to, ever. Or they’ll give up their fingers. (I kid!) (No I don’t.)
I just do what I want, for the most part, within the confines of my majestic home, where on any given Saturday or Sunday, I might see the Baseball Mes, or the Gymnast Mes or the Softball Mes or the Boy Basketball Mes and the Lady Basketball Mes.
In conclusion, just Give Up (things).
Mike (the Tiger)