Are you a coach attending SEC Media Days (beginning on Monday, with LSU’s Devin White, Foster Moreau and Rashard Lawrence representing the program)?
Is your name Nick Saban?
Congratulations, you’re on the hot seat.
Did you lose your most recent game? Oh, are you EVER on the hot seat.
Have you ever looked at a football? You should be feeling warm.
Competed in anything, ever?
YOU, sir or madam, will likely find your ass firmly planted on the hot seat when you sit down before Touchdown! Alabama and Co. at SEC Media Days.
Think you’re immune? Oh, honey. Let’s count this off.
Texas A&M Head Coach Jimbo Fisher
He’s been on the job in College Station eight whole months, and doesn’t have a single win to show for it. They may settle for such production in the ACC, but you’re in the big leagues now, Jimbo.
LSU Offensive Coordinator Steve Ensminger
Did you know he hasn’t called a single play that’s scored a touchdown since January of 2017? Them buns are a burnin’.
SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey
Hasn’t fired whomever negotiated a new contract for Paul Finebaum.
Michigan Head Coach Jim Harbaugh
The Wolverines don’t even PLAY an SEC schedule this year.
Miami Head Coach Mark Richt
Georgia still hasn’t won a national championship since 1980 and last time I checked, he was coach for 15 of those years so it’s still on him.
Seattle Seahawks Head Coach Pete Carroll
Alabama fans heard something about claiming a national championship and are ready to sue for gimmick infringement.
Baton Rouge Radio Personality Gordy Rush
He just lets anybody host a radio show. Definitely in trouble.
And finally, some suggestions from Twitter:
George Clooney— Kenneth Flint (@kjf3009) July 12, 2018
Monuments Men was crap. Game has passed ol’ George by. They didn’t even ask him to be IN the latest Ocean’s movie.
Bobcat Goldthwait— Brandon Loveday (@BrandonLoveday) July 12, 2018
Can’t get Unhappily Ever After on Netflix.
Tommy Banks— Roland (@Col_BatGuano9) July 11, 2018
Hasn’t scored a touchdown against the Florida Gators in 20 years.
Bill Goldberg— Zach (@zrau) July 12, 2018
“Former Atlanta Falcon” NEED I SAY ONE MORE DAMN WORD???!!!
PodKATT— PodKATT (@valleyshook) July 12, 2018
Gives that Gomila asshole way too much control.
Clearly ignoring repeated warnings to stay off the couch here, Josh.
Matt Moscona— Josh (@JLong_23) July 12, 2018
Needs to learn to support his local blogosphere if he wants to cool things off.
Mr Miyagi— Mr MiyAggie (@MrMiyAggie) July 11, 2018
YOU THINK YOU CAN TRICK KIDS INTO PAINTING THAT FENCE FOREVER? Soon you’re going to need to produce, Myagi-san.
Zach Rau— Kemp C (@Lukefrom2011) July 12, 2018
Look young man, 2005 called and they want their hat back and YOU NEED TO GET THAT OFFENSE WITH THE TIMES BEFORE THAT SEAT BURNS YOU UP.