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Bad Football Coach Opinion Bingo!

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Hey Champ, maybe you should stop talking for a bit.

NCAA Football: ACC Media Days Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports

A major key in life is knowing when to stay in your lane.

For instance, football coaches have a wealth of knowledge. How to shade a three-technique in order to properly disrupt split-flow blocking. How a quarterback should tilt his shoulders after a play-fake in order to manipulate the deep safety to open up a post-dig combo. The width a receiver should keep his feet at in order to properly win inside of press coverage for a slant route.

Coaches spend years studying — both in the classroom and in practical situations — to understand these things. They tend to spend less time developing knowledge bases in other areas, some of which occasionally seem rather important to the average human.

And if there’s one thing education should (feel free to laugh at my naivete) teach anybody, it’s the important of a knowledge base in the forming of an opinion.

Sometimes, a lack of it will lead to bad opinions. Football coaches are, occasionally, full of these. And, as is often the case with the visual representative of any major organization, it is generally smart to keep these opinions to oneself, for multiple reasons.

For instance, your university may in fact be on the forefront of studying the very condition you deny should be linked to your sport.

Might be best to keep that one to yourself, Larry.

These opinions can run the gamut, but also are generally confirmed to a few key areas. So let’s make a game of it.

Billy Gomila

In some cases, these opinions are fine. In others, you may just want to keep them to yourself. Especially if you just went 3-9...

From left to right, top down...

  1. Music These Days...your players are already laughing behind your back when you pretend to know who Lil Yachti is.
  2. Kids Play Too Much Fortnite...frankly, this is just disrespectful to the poor GA you’re making play this game until 1 a.m. with that four-star running back you’re recruiting.
  3. Just Got His Bell Rung...right up there with “rub some dirt on it, kid.”
  4. A Scholarship Is Enough...as a general rule, I find the “pay the players” argument has gone sideways in a lot of ways, but you know the multi-millionaires adding more labor to the system don’t need to be the ones opining on the ethics of it.
  5. Blaming the Fans...believe me, I get it. If there’s a group more full of bad opinions than football coaches, it’s the people in the stands, and I’m sure it’s annoying to get lectures on how much you are or are not running the dang ball from somebody who doesn’t know 4-verts from a 4i...but if there is one battle you’re never winning, it’s with your own fan base.
  6. Anything Involving War, Ever...Football is a violent sport that has real and lasting affects on the men who play it. But it ain’t war, and these ain’t soldiers or troops or anything like that, easy as the metaphor may be. It’s also a good idea to avoid attack analogies.
  7. Anything Involving Alex Jones...Look, I don’t care if he has a great chili recipe (and if it makes him forget his kids’ names it better be good), just...trust me on this one.
  8. You People In The Media...Nobody in that press conference made you play for that field goal on fourth-and-two inside the 20, coach. They also didn’t make your starting middle linebacker huff bath salts and chase demons through the second story of the library. And they certainly didn’t make you bench your starting quarterback for a backup who won the national championship (although many of them had recommended it).
  9. The War On Football...Again, see the whole war thing. Football is changing year by year, and has been for a long time now. Whether you agree with that or not, you’re going to be a whole lot better off being ahead of the next wave, rather than under it.