It’s the end of October, the spookiest time of the year. Not just because LSU’s next opponent is Alabama, but also because it’s Halloween. College football coaches don’t generally offer us a great look at their personality, but Halloween is a special time to learn about a person. The costume you wear and the candy you give out makes an important impression, so let’s find out what SEC coaches give out on Halloween.
Ed Orgeron - Dressed as the Hulk, hands out bowls of gumbo
Sure kids are expecting candy, but the end of October also signals the start of #gumboSZN. It’s about to get chilly out there and nothing keeps you warm inside like a big bowl of Orgeron gumbo. The Hulk is Ed’s favorite Halloween costume because he has big muscles and a big brain.
Dan Mullen - Dressed as Cousin Eddie, hands out cans of Spam
Mullen isn’t actually wearing a Cousin Eddie costume, but everyone sees him dressed normally and assumes it’s part of the joke. Mullen hands out Spam instead of candy because it’s more versatile than chocolate bars. Chocolate will melt within a few days if unattended to. Spam can endure, it will last years. Longevity is what we’re going for here, people. One day you will eventually eat that spam.
Kirby Smart - Dressed as Dwight Schrute, hands out Clif energy bars
Kirby hands out energy bars because the kids need the energy to run to each house. And Kirby will commit to the run no matter what.
Gus Malzahn - Dressed as Dr. Frasier Crane, hands out Waffle House receipts
Poor Malzahn is sadly mistaken. Each of his Waffle House meals are on the house, but when he receives a receipt showing a zero balance, he believes it is actually a coupon to get his next meal free. He hands these receipts out at Halloween thinking he is giving them a free meal. The children are doubly confused because they don’t know what the hell he’s dressed up as.
Jeremy Pruitt - Dressed as Walter White, hands out bricks
Pruitt gives each child a brick because they are “laying the foundation for the future.”
Will Muschamp - Costume is unclear but he is covered in blood, hands out bars of soap
Will declined to elaborate on his Halloween tradition, and instead just growled angrily.
Jimbo Fisher - Not dressed up, gives out cash
Jimbo sits in the recliner in his living room smoking a cigar. When the doorbell rings he presses a button on his clicker to open the door automatically. He throws several wads of cash at the children then presses another button to close the door.
Matt Luke - Dressed as a clown
Matt Luke doesn’t end up giving out anything because children run and scream in terror as soon as they see him.
Derek Mason - Dressed as Nick Fury, hands out giant baskets of candy children can barely carry
Derek asks the kids if they’ve seen the Avengers movies, then tries to casually mention how it took Nick Fury several years to put the team together before finally assembling the heroes and that people need to just have some patience because eventually a great team will be bui- oh wait, the kids left already.
Mark Stoops - Dressed as a football coach, hands out footballs
None of the children recognize him.
Barry Odom - Dressed as John McClane, hands out turkey sandwiches with mustard
Like, so much mustard. Just an absurd amount of mustard spilling out the sides of these sandwiches.
Joe Moorhead - Doesn’t celebrate Halloween because he lives in a hot air balloon
He doesn’t have time for these meaningless games.
Chad Morris - Dressed as Dumbledore, hands out Natty Lights
He’s not even trying anymore.
Nick Saban - Not dressed up, hands out bottled waters
Unless a potential recruit is at the door, then he hands out a Camaro.