Playin’ “Nice” with Utah State

Utah State? So not the Utes... What are their colors? Navy and white... wait this isn’t BYU? Huh, well I guess we need to learn more about this team. Luckily for you, Alex Eiden of Mountain West Connection was able to answer LSU fans’ most pressing questions about Utah State.

1. Utah State’s mascot is the Aggies. Why the hell would you copy something from Texas A&M?

Wow, so you’re really going to disrespect UC-Davis like that?

2. This game is slated for an 11 a.m. kickoff. LSU fans are pretty upset they have to be in a sunny Tiger Stadium before noon, but that could be an advantage for the Tigers since Utah State is from one of the two time zones that never gets talked about. How do you expect the early kick to affect the Blue Aggies?

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but the state of Utah lives within its own space-time continuum. Therefore any team from there arrives on time, no matter the time. I don’t want to hear any questions about this either, because you just don’t question science.

3. Utah State’s coach, Gary Andersen, faced LSU not too long ago when he was at Wisconsin. The Badgers were thrashing LSU until Andersen decided to stop giving the ball to Melvin Gordon in the second half, prompting a 21-point LSU comeback. Has Andersen’s strategy of ignoring his best player in the second half carried over to his tenure at Utah State?

Well here I am thinking either Jordan Love or David Woodward was our best player. Now you’ve got me second guessing. Who hasn’t played in any of our second halves…? IS OUR BACKUP PUNTER OUR BEST PLAYER????

4. Ughhhh, hmm… I’m trying to think of something funny to say about Utah State QB Jordan Love, but he’s so awesome. Is there anything LSU fans can say to tease this guy?

Hmm let me think here. What about: “Hey man, your name might be ‘Love’ but we HATE you.” BOOM roasted.

5. Before he became Louisiana’s adopted Mormon son, Taysom Hill suffered three season-ending injuries against Utah State. Why would this team commit such heinous crimes against our burly, handsome Swiss Army knife?

Hills are nothing but inconsequential bumps; mountains are the superior landmass. The fine people and players at Utah State worry not for the troubles that may incur upon someone who dares don the name of a clearly inferior geological area. I have no further time to discuss such frivolities.