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The Roasts of Mississippi: 2019

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The past is never dead. It just had too many hard seltzers.

Southern Illinois v Mississippi Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

*coughs*

**clears throat loudly**

/WRIGHT THOMPSON VOICE

At Ole Miss, the past is is never far away. It has to stay close to momma and daddy after that DWI it got last year.

When the weather turns, the leaves lay perfectly on the ground. Just like Eli Manning on the Vaught-Hemingway turf.

You can hear the cool breeze whisper while it carries the fresh smell of Harrison’s vomit from the Kappa house.

It brushes past you, like when Bo Wallace beat feet off the Tiger Stadium field.

When the leaves blow free from the trees and settle on the ground. The way Madisyn settled when she couldn’t get into Alabama or Georgia.

The crisp air washes over you. Like the relief Janelle feels every time a fast-food worker doesn’t make eye contact with her.

The same crispness when Karen clicks her tongue and asks for the manager at Chilis.

It’s about loyalty. To Chick-Fil-A, no matter how many times someone tells you about Popeyes and their chicken sandwich.

It’s the pride on display, every Saturday in the grove. Just make sure you hide your beer.

We share humanity by telling stories. We say we love John Grisham even though we haven’t actually read the books, we’ve just seen the Tom Cruise movie.

At Ole Miss, life is how you live it. Sharks can live on land and “vacated” wins can live on in your heart.

When you’re a rebel, you live like one. Unless the NCAA threatens you with sanctions, then you immediately self-impose a bowl ban and cooperate with the NCAA.

In Oxford we live by the three F’s: Faith, Family, and Football. So when we say Jim Kelly is our uncle and swear to God we will spray this place with our AK-47, we mean it.

We might seem like we only came here to pledge a sorority or go to Law School, but we have so much more, like our Med School. Just as Leonard Fournette in 2016 or Derrius Guice in 2017, one evening with the Rebels and we’ll fix you right up.

But just because we’re friendly doesn’t mean we don’t have enemies. We hate the folks in Starkville more than anyone else. And you can see that hate on display every Thanksgiving when we cosplay as the Longhorns and Aggies.

Being a Rebel is impossible alone. We share Ole Miss with others. We share it with our friends, our family, and even escorts we talk to over a university-issued phone.

The past lives at Ole Miss. But it swore it wouldn’t go to another home game until they fire Matt Luke.

That’s what it means to be an Ole Miss Rebel through and through. If you have a problem with that, you can let us know at compliance@olemiss.edu.