Playin’ “Nice” with Arkansas Fight

LSU returns home for the first time in three weeks to take on the Arkansas Razorbacks. If you haven’t been following Arkansas this season, count your lucky stars. Tucker Partridge of Arkansas Fight was kind enough to fill us in on how fans are dealing with a team currently on a 17-game losing streak in SEC play.

1. So this 2019 Arkansas team, uhh…. Yikes. Just vent. Let out whatever you need to.

Football is cool and all, but it’s just a game. I think it’s more worth thinking about more complex and interesting things, like the fact that the soundtrack of EA Sports’ hit video game Madden NFL 20 features a song by celebrated hip hop artist Snoop Dogg called “Madden 20.” In it, he speaks truth to power, proclaiming that “Down in Mississippi and New Orleans, Big Snoop Dogg got a Madden league.” The bravado he demonstrates is inspiring, and can be found in exclamations like “when it comes to Madden, all y’all fools my sons.” The versatility and sheer knowledge of football present in lines such as “I can get you with the run or I can hit you with the pass” is one of the reasons why I believe he should be considered for Arkansas’ vacant head coaching position. Quite frankly, it’s a masterpiece.

2. Now that Chad Morris isn’t coaching for his job anymore, will Jerry Jones’ grandson still get actual playing time?

The fun thing about this year is that John Stephen Jones wasn’t that bad. The coaching staff was absolutely dedicated to undermining each starting quarterback, and JSJ was no different, but he actually moved the ball well when he was in, puzzling as that may be. He’s listed as one of three starters this week, and when your team is starting three quarterbacks, you know things are going well.

3. Do Arkansas fans still actually care about that giant, ugly trophy?

I can only speak for myself here. While I still care deeply about the rivalry, I would much rather the trophy be an old, beat up boot that’s spray painted gold. I feel like that’s more befitting of the culture of these two states.

4. Who is more likely to be Arkansas head coach in 2020, Gus Malzahn or the ghost of Frank Broyles?

The Necromancy Department at Arkansas is phenomenal, so I think both of these are equally on the table. I give Broyles the edge though, as it’s likely easier to revive his ghost than it is to revive Gus’ career.

5. If those two don’t pan out, who would you rather bring back: Houston Nutt or Bobby Petrino?

Houston Dale Nutt is politicking his way around the state right now, and as of this writing, has allegedly been contacted by the athletic department. I think bringing him back for one week only against LSU would be an interesting model to follow. Perhaps we could start a rotating coach position where different disgraced coaches get to fill in each week.

6. What would happen to Fayetteville if Arkansas won Saturday?

I would expect a full fledged rapture to occur, sweeping over the whole state, as 3 million people suddenly were vaporized and sent to Hog Heaven.