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Into the Tiger-Verse ACT III

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When we last left Coach O, he was meeting his newest team and learning about his next competition.

Last time, on Into the Tiger-verse...

ACT III

LANE

Goddammit, Les... I told you to break it to him slowly!

Les and Mike start talking at the same time. Les defends himself to Lane, while Mike apologizes to everyone.

LES

C’mon, it was such a great reveal to the audience. It would’ve been too distracting to introduce him during the exposition dump.

MIKE

Oi, sorry mate. I forget other universes ain’t used ta talking animals, y’know?

LANE

Well at least he won’t know where our secret hideout is.

CUT TO INT. A MYSTERIOUS UNDERGROUND BASE

Orgeron slowly opens his eyes. He is laying down on a cot and has an ice pack on his head. His vision is blurry as removes the ice pack, sits up and looks around. He is in some kind of warehouse filled with boxes. Some of them are open and have piles of guns sitting in them.

Orgeron looks to the other side and sees Lane wiping down the wheels of his truck, D-D assembling various guns together and Les talking to himself in the mirror. Les turns to Orgeron and notices he is awake.

ORGERON

(Chuckling)

Boy I guess that night of no sleep finally caught up to me. Before I passed out I could’ve sworn we had a talking Mike the Tiger in our backseat!

The camera pans up to show Mike laying down behind Orgeron. Les frowns at Mike and Orgeron notices Les isn’t looking at him.

ORGERON

Who’s behind me?

MIKE

(Sighs)

Look mate, just promise me you won’ pass out this time? We’ve already got a bloody lotta problems on our paws n’ I don’t want to keep gettin’ in the way.

Orgeron turns to Mike with a look on his face that shows he is too exhausted to be shocked anymore.

ORGERON

Don’t tell me you’re the head coach of LSU football in your universe.

MIKE

(Eyes darting around room)

If I didn’t, would that keep you from pass’n out again?

Orgeron drops his head back on the cot and stares at the ceiling.

ORGERON

I mean what have I gotten myself into? If I would’ve just stayed on the plane I’d be back in Baton Rouge making final preparations before fall practice. Now I’m stuck in some kind of inter-dimensional fight against my biggest rival.

Les struts over toward Orgeron confidently.

LES

Well, the sports genre is usually pretty stale. This feels like a real breath of fresh air. I gotta be honest with you, nobody’s paying $9 to watch you study film.

D-D

Nobody’s paying to watch any of this!

Les chuckles and shakes his head. Mike turns to Orgeron.

MIKE

Nah mate, I undastan’ your confusion. I reckon it must be bloody wacky to see everything you’ve seen these past 24 hours. If I ‘er you, I’d be thinkin’ I was legless!

ORGERON

I’m sorry, are you Australian?

MIKE

Australian, ha! You are a real larrikin, mate.

Orgeron is visibly confused. Les tosses a slab of raw meat to the other side of the room.

LES

Mike, food!

MIKE

OI, you little rippa!

Mike scurries over to the meat in the distance and begins eating. Les moves over to Orgeron.

LES

(Whispers)

The studio only agreed to do a CGI character if they got a big-name actor.

ORGERON

A big-name what?

LES

Yeah, that’s actually Hugh Jackman! Went from playing a wolverine to a tiger. Life’s funny like that.

Orgeron’s face is pure bewilderment. Mike walks back toward Orgeron and Les as he finishes his snack.

LES

What’s the matter? You still seem confused.

ORGERON

I just still have one big question… why is Saban doing all of this?

Les nods his head back and forth and walks toward Orgeron. He takes a seat next to him on the cot.

LES

When you think about Saban in his time at Alabama, what comes to mind?

ORGERON

Winning, success, championships… dominance.

LES

Yes. He’s considered the best coach in the history of the sport, right?

ORGERON

P- pretty much, yeah.

LES

(Smiles and points at Orgeron)

Pretty much. That’s the thing, Eddie. For as much success as he’s had, he’s still come up just short so many times. And that drives him crazy.

CUT TO A MONTAGE OF ALABAMA’S CLOSE LOSSES OVER THE YEARS

We see Chris Davis sprinting down the sideline, Johnny Manziel fumbling then regaining the ball before throwing a touchdown, Chad Kelly heaving a prayer that bounces off an Alabama player’s helmet and into the hands of Quincy Adeboyejo.

LES (V.O.)

Every year, Alabama wins double digit games. But not since 2009 have they gone a whole season without losing. And every year when they do, the rest of the country celebrates like it’s Christmas Day.

We see Deshaun Watson hit Hunter Renfroe and the ensuing celebration.

LES

The multiple championships weren’t enough to make him forget all the times he’s tasted bitter, bitter defeat.

We see Ezekiel Elliott sprinting through the defense and into the Superdome end zone.

LES

It got to the point where he didn’t care that everyone else considered him the best coach ever.

We see Ole Miss tearing down the goalposts.

LES

He didn’t care that he was practically Governor of Alabama.

We see Trevor Lawrence hitting Justyn Ross for a 74-yard touchdown

LES

He didn’t care that he had more national championships than the other 129 FBS coaches combined.

We see a quick montage of Saban slamming his headset and yelling in players’ faces.

LES

It wasn’t enough. So he put his plan into action.

CUT BACK TO ORGERON AND LES

ORGERON

His plan?

Lane stands up and walks away from his truck. He stands above him.

LANE

He hired the best scientists in the state of Alabama to build a multiverse transporter. It allows you to travel to alternate universes. He’s actually been traveling to alternate universes for several years now to study outcomes and see some games before they happen.

ORGERON

Wait a minute… are you saying th-

LANE

(Interrupting)

Yes, he found an alternate dimension where LSU and Alabama play in late October instead of early November. Each year he travels there to watch what LSU does so he can predict what happens.

Orgeron falls back in his cot.

ORGERON

That’s how he does it… that’s how he always knows what we’re gonna do!

LANE

Pshh, I wish that was the extent of his mission. He’s taken the science further. That machine you saw under the weight room, that’s not the transporter. The transporter is under the field at Bryant-Denny. What you saw was a different machine that uses the multiversal travel formula to merge pieces of different universes. He calls it the AJ McCannon.

MIKE

Named after that drongo he had under center ‘few years ago.

LANE

Saban is trying to use it to erase all the games he’s lost. He’s going to steal chunks of history from other universes and place it in yours, with no regard for the consequences.

ORGERON

But how can that work? I mean if you take a piece from the past and replace it with something else, won’t that change what happened?

LANE

It won’t work, but Saban is too stubborn to realize that. His tampering with universes transported all of us here to your universe. If he actually merged pieces of two universes, the damage could be catastrophic.

LES

Life as we know it could collapse in on itself… in all universes.

LANE

And it doesn’t matter who has national championships when reality is tearing itself apart.

MIKE

(Whispering in Orgeron’s ear)

That would be a pretty gnarly way to go out, mate.

ORGERON

So! What are supposed to do about this?

Les looks at Orgeron with a smile, but pauses and looks down with a curious look on his face.

LANE

What, did you forget your l-

LES

No I didn’t forget my lines! It’s just that… We don’t really seem to have a plan!

LANE

Nope… I guess we don’t. Well uh, I think I’m gonna go reinstall Tinder real quick.

Lane struts off back toward his truck. Les walks away chuckling while Orgeron stays where he is. He still has a confused look on his face, but a twinge of hopelessness has now crept in. Orgeron wonders if there’s a way out of this situation. Everything was in his control, and all of a sudden he’s questioning what is and isn’t real. D-D, still putting guns together, notices his confusion and approaches him.

D-D

Hey Big Shot, I’m missing a few parts and need to go grab some hardware. Wanna tag along?

ORGERON

Why? What’s the point?

D-D

Because these idiots might be clueless, but if you come with me I can tell you my plan.

Orgeron takes a deep sigh.

ORGERON

Okay fine.

D-D

Hang tight while I grab you your disguise.

ORGERON

(confused)

My disguise?

D-D walks into a nearby closet and comes out with a black suitcase. She sets it down in front of Orgeron and opens it up. He looks down at it.

ORGERON

Absolutely not.

CUT TO INT. A SILVER ESCALADE DRIVING ALONG THE HIGHWAY

D-D drives in the front seat with her sunglasses on. Orgeron sits in the passenger seat with a trash bag covering his head and torso.

ORGERON

Is it really a huge deal if I know where your secret base is?

D-D

Yes, this is your universe. We’re doing this to protect you. If you don’t know where it is, you’ll never be able to give it away and incriminate yourself.

Orgeron groans as D-D makes a right turn and merges onto the highway.

D-D

Okay, we’re good. You can take it off.

ORGERON

To be honest I think I’d rather wear this than this disguise you gave me.

D-D

Oh come on you big baby.

D-D reaches over and pulls the bag off Orgeron. He is wearing an Alabama letterman jacket that lists the years of all their national championships down one sleeve over a No. 17 Crimson jersey. On his head is a Bear Bryant houndstooth hat and sunglasses that say ROLL and TIDE on each eye.

ORGERON

Don’t you think this will draw attention to me? The opposite of what we’re trying to do…

D-D

Oh please, you’ll blend right in with everyone else.

ORGERON

Maybe on a game day. But I live in Baton Rouge, people don’t just walk around in LSU gear head to toe on a random Tuesday in July!

D-D

Darling, this ain’t Baton Rouge. They’re a whole different kinda crazy in this town.

ORGERON

Well why don’t you have a disguise?

D-D

Because I’m not LSU football head coach in this universe.

ORGERON

Yeah but you’re LSU gymnastics head coach!

D-D

You really think these people care about gymnastics? They don’t know who I am! Most of them wouldn’t recognize their own gym coach, they definitely won’t know me.

D-D scoffs.

You have no idea how much these fans piss me off. They spend nine months a year itching to watch these men slam into each other for 60 minutes. A sport so simple I was able to be the best at it as a side-hustle. Meanwhile I’ve spent more than 40 years perfecting the art of gymnastics and the best TV deal we can get is SEC Network. I swear, none of these football fans deserve championships. They wouldn’t know grace if it smashed them in the skull like the barbaric game they devote their lives to.

Orgeron turns away from D-D and sulks his head.

ORGERON

(Quietly)

Yeah, a real barbaric game.

D-D notices Orgeron is upset and mouths “dammit” to herself.

D-D

Hey Big Shot, I didn’t mean it like that. Just put yourself in my shoes and think about what I’ve been through! I’m coaching two sports, doing everything I can when all of a sudden, a swirling portal appears on my ceiling and next thing I know, I’m in an alternate universe! On top of that, I’m being hunted by an army of Robocops!

ORGERON

Wait they’re actually called Robocops?

D-D

I don’t know what they’re actually called but that’s the easiest thing to call them. We just can’t use that term around Les.

ORGERON

Why not?

D-D

(Imitating Les Miles)

If YoU sAy ThAt WoRd ThE sTuDiO wIlL hAvE a LaWsUiT oN tHeIr HaNdS.

D-D lets out an annoyed groan. After Orgeron doesn’t respond for a second she turns to him and sees he is trying to hold in laughter. Upon seeing each other, they both let out a chuckle that gradually grows until Orgeron is wiping away tears. D-D cannot help but smile at one of the few joyful moments she has spent since she was sucked into this universe. She turns back toward the road to distract herself. Her smile fades, but she abandons her hardened demeanor for a relaxed feeling of contentment.

The two arrive at a firearms shop and walk inside. D-D points out the parts she needs to the store owner. He gives them a 50 percent discount because he loves Orgeron’s Alabama gear so much. The two return to the car and start driving home.

D-D

I guess I may have pushed the truth a little bit earlier. Coaching football wasn’t as easy as I said it was, even if I do win every game. I knew that if I was able to apply my gymnastics philosophy the team would succeed, but getting my philosophy through their heads was harder than I imagined.

ORGERON

What was your philosophy?

D-D

Lemme ask you, what’s the key difference between gymnastics and football?

ORGERON

Well, in gym only one person competes at a time. In football you’ve got two teams of 11 people out there at one time.

D-D

Right. In football you need to face the person across from you head to head and beat them.

ORGERON

But in gymnastics, you just need to do your best and not worry about them. That’s how they’re different.

D-D

Wrong!

ORGERON

What?

D-D

You’re right that you need to do your best to succeed, but that last part was wrong. Football and gymnastics aren’t different because of that. They’re the same! If you commit yourself to perfecting every move you do and crafting every technique to be ironclad, it doesn’t matter what your opposition does, you will be victorious. That’s how I got my team to win all those games. I taught them to not focus on beating the other players, but to focus on making their game systemic and tight to the point that the other players had no answer. Football is just one big floor routine.

Orgeron scratches his chin and thinks about what D-D said. He realizes he understands what she’s saying.

ORGERON

Football is one big floor routine… huh. I guess you’re right.

D-D

(Coldly, still looking at the road)

Of course I’m right. Men have been coaching this game for almost 200 years and all it took was one woman to show them they’ve been doing it wrong.

ORGERON

(Smirking)

Then I guess you wouldn’t have any trouble teaching me how to do a floor routine.

D-D

(Laughing)

Hey hey hey, pump the brakes, Big Shot. I can’t do everything!

ORGERON

I dunno, I was a defensive lineman. I might still have some moves in me.

D-D

Oh yeah? What song would you dance to?

ORGERON

Hmmmm, let me think… how about… ‘Fortunate Son!’

D-D

(Chuckles)

Okay then. I guess our next step is to find you a leotard!

D-D turns to Orgeron and laughs. Orgeron looks down at his jacket.

ORGERON

Like I said earlier, I’d rather wear that than what I’ve got on now.

D-D

Speaking of what you’ve got on, let’s cover it up. We’re getting close.

D-D tosses Orgeron the trash bag. He sighs but then puts it on. He smiles after finally having a normal conversation. Maybe things will be okay after all. Even though this D-D is from another universe, Orgeron still feels as if he knows her. Sure, she’s slightly colder and more rigid than the D-D he knows, but the last 30 minutes showed him he could get her tough shell and find some levity. He then suddenly remembers why he came along with her in the first place.

ORGERON

Hey wait, so what’s this plan of yours?

D-D

My plan? Oh yeah, my plan! Well the first step is-

SCREEEEEECH

The truck slams to a stop.

ORGERON

What’s going on??

D-D

Our base…. It’s gone!

TO BE CONCLUDED...