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When It Is And Is Not Appropriate To Whistle

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Definitely not at anything televised, that’s for sure.

It’s been quite awhile since LSU played Vanderbilt in football. LSU fans have to think hard to remember the last time the Tigers faced the Commodores on the gridiron, which was in 2010. In the nine years between football matchups, the two teams have faced off in some epic baseball matchups. An 11-inning thriller in the 2013 SEC Championship Game, a wild comeback that featured five runs across two innings in 2016, and a 1-0 pitcher’s duel in a rubber match in 2018.

Their most recent matchup was not one of these classics. Vanderbilt routed LSU 13-4 in the 2019 SEC Tournament, but most LSU fans were more frustrated by what was happening in the stands than on the field.

We were being subjected to…

The Whistler.

One of the most notorious figures in the college baseball landscape, his whistles pierce through ESPN’s microphones and into the homes of innocent folks simply trying to enjoy America’s pastime.

Quite frankly, the man is a menace. And many LSU fans are rightly concerned about if there will be whistling at the game. Our friends over at Anchor of Gold tried to answer that for us.

But maybe this man’s actions open up a deeper question: When is it not appropriate to whistle? It’s a fair question, given that whistling is a skill not everyone has, and pulling it off is fun! Fortunately, here is a helpful guide of places you can and cannot whistle!

DON’T WHISTLE: At sporting events

This should be pretty basic. People who go to a sporting event are there to see what happens on the field of play. There’s enough noise going on, making a loud, piercing, high-frequency sound in the stands takes away from that immersion, and just isn’t cool. It’s hard to find something to do at a ballgame more obnoxious than the wave, but this guy did it.

DO WHISTLE: In the shower

Confession time: I can’t whistle. (Ed. Note: as of press time no member of the Gomila family has this talent either) However, sometimes I will exhale with my mouth slightly open and do it on accident. If this happens in the shower, the melody can be quite pleasant. Sometimes when you’re showering early in the morning or at night after a long day you have a catchy tune stuck in your head, but don’t have the energy to totally belt out in song (or you have roommates). Easy solution: just whistle a little tune! No one will be able to tell if you’re off-key or not!

DON’T WHISTLE: In a movie theater

This one should also be pretty self-explanatory. The movie theater is such an interesting place because everyone there is trying to pretend he or she is the only person in the room. A hundred people all sitting together pretending they don’t exist. Whistling is a clear break of this immersion. I don’t care if it’s a shirtless Chris Hemsworth scene, don’t do it.

DO WHISTLE: The Grand Ole Opry

Since they appear to be fans of whistling in Nashville, why not try it out at one of the most iconic music venues in the city? Feel free to show up, check out whoever’s performing, and play along with your beautiful whistles.

DON’T WHISTLE: When you see an attractive woman on the street

C’mon fellas… there’s no point in this. Just because you whistle at a pretty lady doesn’t mean she’s gonna return the favor. It’s the same line of thinking as honking your horn, which Jerry Seinfeld has already covered.

DO WHISTLE: The Parthenon in Nashville

Silly little Nashville, hoping to trick some people into thinking they’re in Ancient Greece. During your trip to the Music City, you might stop at this, uhh landmark that was built as a tribute to another landmark on the other side of the world? When you get inside, look around at other tourists inspecting the monument. Listen closely for when anyone mentions it’s from Ancient Greece, then loudly whistle in their face and remind them it was actually built as a replica to the original in Athens, Greece.

DON’T WHISTLE: At a funeral

This is typically a sad event, where whistling would be very inappropriate. The only time a whistle might be appropriate is during a New Orleans second line, which isn’t exactly a funeral, but it’s the same idea.

DO WHISTLE: At the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum… 20 years from now

That should be around the time they induct Florida Georgia Line. Whistle so you don’t have to hear their music.

DON’T WHISTLE: At a concert

Are the thousands of people there to hear you? No, they’re here to listen to whichever actual musician is performing. Oh, you know the melody of a song by an artist that everyone here paid thousands of dollars to see live? Wow bro, you must be a real diehard fan.

DO WHISTLE: Over The Paul Finebaum Show

A more pleasant sound, honestly.