The Fallout: How LSU Playing Texas Affects Texas A&M

LSU squaring off with Texas is momentous for a ton of reasons. Two marquee, national brands playing a home-and-home series — which has become somewhat rare in the era of the nationally televised neutral site matchup. Two coaches that at one time competed for the same job.

But most notably, we’re staring down a recent conference mate’s ex. Texas and Texas A&M played football 118 times from 1894 until 2011, and while the Longhorns may have the final scoreboard in the conference series, the feelings well...let’s say it they linger a bit. On both sides — no matter what any Texas fan tells you.

The Aggies have become something of a rival for LSU in recent years. It’s not a new relationship for the schools, per se, but one that has definitely had some changes in status in recent years.

And it’s worth it to see how this game affects them. So with that in mind, we decided to get some inside info from our friend Rush Roberts of Good Bull Hunting.

Seeing old relationships rekindle with new partners often can help bring closure to the situation. How would you say this week’s match-up makes you feel?

The loudest and most raucous portions of our collective consciousness will loudly clamor and crow that we could not possibly care less, but of course that is just a defense mechanism to mask the truth: that we are just a little bit jealous of you as the new competition, getting a night out on the town with them.

What are some of the good things that you remember about this relationship? What was it about each other that you fell in love with?

No one can remember how it started. It’s one of those hateful symbiotic relationships that has existed since the beginning of everyone’s memory, but no one can reasonably say why. We all know that weird couple that’s been divorced and then remarried to each other again. That’s us about a dozen times over. Most of the good memories involve besting our partner and publicly humiliating them, but there’s a deep undercurrent of mutual respect born out of close proximity and shared experiences.

We’ve heard that Texas can be a bit controlling at times. What else should we know? Are there any special hand signals for passing the salt or anything like that?

Christ, yes. Controlling, spoiled, manipulative, haughty, condescending, and completely self-centered. And we ate it up for decades. When we finally mustered the dutch courage to throw our stuff in the truck and drive off in a huff in the middle of the night, we were both shocked. Didn’t speak for months. And now neither of us can scrape together the composure to attempt any kind of reconciliation. Here’s what you need to know: assert yourselves early and they’ll go completely silent. And don’t forget: even if you win, it’s only because some other factor hindered their efforts, not because you played the better game. It’s not personal, just the way they are. Best to ignore their jabs: that’s what they hate more than anything.

Just how long HAVE they been workin’ on the railroad?

They outsourced that to a venture capital firm headquartered in Round Rock back in 2009. They have eschewed physical labor for years.

Finally, what is your preferred method of cooking BIG COW?

Rare, of course.