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Rating Every Week 4 NFL Game by LSU-Ness

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The Bengals didn’t lose!

Tennessee Titans v Minnesota Vikings Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

It’s now October and Joe Burrow has already elevated the Bengals to a non-loss. By the time the 2019 Bengals managed to not lose Joe Burrow had already wrapped up the Heisman. So this is significant progress! This week also looks to offer a decent chance at an actual Bengals win. Let’s see what else we have on this week’s slate.

BRONCOS at JETS

When: Oct. 1, 7:20 CST on NFL Network

Former LSU Broncos Players: C Lloyd Cushenberry

Former LSU Jets Players: None

Unless you are a family member or lifelong friend of Lloyd Cushenberry, please do not watch this game. I will give it a bonus point only because Cush recovered a fumble last week.

SCORE: 2/10

JAGUARS at BENGALS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Jaguars Players: WR DJ Chark, LB K’Lavon Chaisson

Former LSU Bengals Players: QB Joe Burrow

Apologies to anyone who watched last Thursday’s Jags game expecting some DJ Chark action. I had no idea he would be out. He was limited in practice Wednesday, so hopefully he’s good to go for Sunday.

Even if he isn’t, the fact that this is Joe Burrow’s best chance at an NFL win makes this an easy choice for LSU fans. Throw in K’Lavon Chaisson and this is a no-brainer.

SCORE: 10/10 (bump it down to a 9.5 if DJ is out but come on, everyone’s watching Joe)

CARDINALS at PANTHERS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Cardinals Players: CB Patrick Peterson, DE Rashard Lawrence

Former LSU Panthers Players: CB Donte Jackson

Donte Jackson seems to be having himself a nice little bounce-back year with interceptions in back to back weeks. God I really hope we get to see him try to chase down Kyler Murray 1-on-1 down the sideline. That would be superb.

SCORE: 6/10

COLTS at BEARS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Colts Players: None

Former LSU Bears Players: LB Barkevious Mingo

Bears games are slightly more watchable now that Tribiscuit has been benched, but this is still really weak from an LSU perspective.

SCORE: 1/10

COWBOYS at BROWNS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Cowboys Players: T La’el Collins (maybe?)

Former LSU Browns Players: WR Odell Beckham Jr, WR Jarvis Landry, CB Greedy Williams, LB Jacob Phillips

Collins is eligible to return this week, but it’s unclear if he will play Sunday*.

As for the Browns, they are above .500 and seem alright on offense, but that’s mostly due to a commitment to running the ball.... just like the last time Odell Beckham and Jarvis Landry were on a team together. Why is it whenever these two awesome, badass wide receivers are on a team together offensive coordinators won’t throw them the ball??

*Zach: Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was asked about a timeline for Collins return Tuesday and said “We don’t know. I don’t know. The doctors don’t know.” There’s a chance Collins could need surgery.

SCORE: 8/10

SAINTS at LIONS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Saints Players: None

Former LSU Lions Players: None

Last week I called the Saints out for keeping Will Clapp active just to appease us LSU/Saints fans. Well this week they took that personally and demoted him to the practice squad. Oh well!

SCORE: 0/10

STEELERS at TITANS

When: ??

Former LSU Steelers Players: None

Former LSU Titans Players: CB Kristian Fulton

This game has been delayed due to three Titans players and several staff members testing positive for COVID-19. Talk is the game will be played either Monday or Tuesday if the rest of the team consistently test negative. Either way, Kristian Fulton is just one man!

SCORE: 2/10

VIKINGS at TEXANS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Vikings Players: DE Danielle Hunter, WR Justin Jefferson

Former LSU Texans Players: None

This game is also somewhat in doubt because the Vikings played the Titans last week. Although the Vikings haven’t had any positive tests, they currently can’t practice ahead of Sunday’s game. So yeah... things could be better for them.

But hey! Justin Jefferson was the best wide receiver in football Sunday! Woohoo!

It’s great seeing the Griddy get so much national recognition. It’s not great that it went 0-2 on the weekend.....

Moving on!

SEAHAWKS at DOLPHINS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Seahawks Players: S Jamal Adams, G Damien Lewis, C Ethan Pocic

Former LSU Dolphins Players: DT Davon Godchaux, LS Blake Ferguson

Four out of five of these guys were starters on the 2016 LSU Tigers. What a weird-ass team. Still, this game is pretty good.

SCORE: 8/10

CHARGERS at BUCCANEERS

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Chargers Players: G Trai Turner

Former LSU Bucs Players: LB Devin White, RB Leonard Fournette, LB Kevin Minter

Lol there are so many damn Tigers in the League.

SCORE: 7/10

RAVENS at WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM

When: Oct. 4, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Ravens Players: LB Patrick Queen

Former LSU Washington Players: T Saahdiq Charles

Poor Patrick Queen had to face Clyde Edwards-Helaire in a game that actually counted on Monday. This week should be a lot easier for him.

SCORE: 3/10

GIANTS at RAMS

When: Oct. 4, 3:05 CST on FOX

Former LSU Giants Players: None

Former LSU Rams Players: DT Michael Brockers, T Andrew Whitworth

So here’s something insane I just realized: *No players from LSU’s 2007 championship roster are currently playing in the NFL.

Andrew Whitworth, a starter on LSU’s 2003 championship team, is still an everyday starter for the Rams. That is insane.

*Al Woods is on the Jaguars’ roster but opted out due to COVID-19.

SCORE: 4/10

PATRIOTS at CHIEFS

When: Oct. 4, 3:25 CST on CBS

Former LSU Patriots Players: None

Former LSU Chiefs Players: RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB Darrell Williams, S Tyrann Mathieu

Jim Nantz is calling another Chiefs game, so I need to make sure y’all saw this tweet.

SCORE: 7/10

BILLS at RAIDERS

When: Oct. 4, 3:25 CST on CBS

Former LSU Bills Players: CB Tre’Davious White, LS Reid Ferguson

Former LSU Raiders Players: TE Foster Moreau, DE Arden Key

Foster Moreau caught a touchdown last week! Of course that was because Bill Belichick waved his magic wand and held the starting Raiders TE that shredded the Saints to two catches. Still, solid group of guys here.

SCORE: 7/10

EAGLES at 49ERS

When: Oct. 4, 7:20 CST on NBC

Former LSU Eagles Players: S Jalen Mills, LB Duke Riley

Former LSU 49ers Players: LB Kwon Alexander

Boy the Eagles really tried to kill Joe Burrow out there didn’t they? Sadly for them, half of the 49ers’ roster is already injured.

SCORE: 4/10

FALCONS at PACKERS

When: Oct. 5, 7:15 CST on ESPN

Former LSU Falcons Players: LB Deion Jones, WR Russell Gage

Former LSU Packers Players: None

This doesn’t score super high on an LSU scale, but the Falcons are appointment television at this point. How can you not be on the edge of your seat waiting to see what they do next?

SCORE: 3/10