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How To Football: Week 7

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Welcome to a suddenly LSU-less college football weekend

Believe it or not, there are other games than Georgia-Alabama being played this weekend. And since LSU’s game against Florida has been postponed, you get to enjoy all of it with a stress-free* Saturday! Here is how you do it:

*offer not valid for Braves fans.
Schedule as of 1:30 Wednesday
WatsonTiger Excel Productions, LLC.

Jonesboogy Shift

  • Georgia Southern-Arkansas State: SP+ has this as a toss-up with a projected margin of less than a point, which is really the best cast scenario when you get Thursday night #FunBelt football.

Acronym/Gulf South Challenge Shift

  • SMU-Tulane: Last week the Green Wave jumped on Houston 24-7 early in the second quarter...and ended up losing 49-31. To date Tulane has had a wildly unpredictable year, coming from behind to beat South Alabama 27-24, losing to a very bad Navy team 27-24, skulldragging Southern Miss 66-24, and letting Houston up off the mat to lose by 18. I trust SMU a lot more than the Greenies, but because I don’t know what to expect out of the Greenies, I’m very interested in this game.
  • BYU-Houston: This is probably the only hurdle BYU has to worry about on their quest for a perfect season. Last week the Cougars played sloppily in the first half before turning on the jets in the second stanza. If you’ve been living under a rock or just willfully ignorant, BYU’s offense has very quickly become scary beast and given how Dana Holgorsen is on the other sideline, this could very quickly become very pointsy.

Idiocracy Extra Will Muschamp Shift

  • Auburn-South Carolina: At this point we know what these two teams are: dumb and stupid, albeit two different kinds of dumb and stupid. Auburn is the kind of dumb and stupid where the only reason they beat Arkansas is because they spiked the ball backwards, which was ruled intentional grounding upon replay instead of a fumble, which it in fact was. South Carolina is the kind of dumb and stupid that gets frustrated when the square peg doesn’t fit into the round hole, so it turns over the table and tries to eat the peg. College football!
  • Kentucky-Tennessee: It’s pretty obvious that Tennessee is not at the level of Georgia and Florida at the top of the east, and Kentucky was never in contention for that role. But I think the Wildcats have a team that can hang around and give the Vols hell.
  • Pitt-Miami (FL): Pitt has now lost two games by a combined two points against NC State and Boston College, and while I think they can make it interesting early on or for a half, I don’t really think they have the gusto to be there late in the game. However, it wouldn’t be the first time Pitt beat a Miami team it was clearly inferior to.
  • Cincinnati-Tulsa: This game has been cancelled. Please disregard.
  • Army-UTSA: PodKATT once again said I won’t receive compensation if this isn’t mentioned. Meep meep.

My Tastes Are...Unconventional Shift

  • UCF-Memphis: With LSU-Florida getting the can, this becomes the most interesting game of the weekend. SP+ has it as an actual tossup and both teams not only are capable of getting into a track meet, but they prefer it. My only gripe with this game is that while it’s great this is on ABC, it should absolutely be the primetime answer to Georgia-Alabama.
  • Ole Miss-Arkansas: Ole Miss is going to get its points against the Hogs, but what I’m interested in is how well the Razorbacks move the ball against the Rebels. While I’m not close to calling their offense great, they’re good enough to score 28 on Auburn and I think that’s definitely good enough to hang around and potentially flip a loss late given the wild nature of this series.
  • Duke-NC State: Look, I get it, it’s not a sexy matchup. I know I don’t want to watch a game between these two teams. But the Wolfpack are only favored by less than a touchdown, so I’ll be hanging around it and hoping stuff gets funky enough to give us a finish.
  • Texas A&M-Mississippi State: If Kentucky is good enough to nearly completely shut out Kentucky, then Texas A&M certainly is. But this is a Mike Leach team, and this is the type of game they win out of nowhere after being ran over two weeks in a row. I know my college football.
  • Marshall-Louisiana Tech: GRANT WELLS HIVE ASSEMBLE.

My Large Adult Assistant Shift

  • Georgia-Alabama: So normally I’d have nothing interesting to say about what will likely be an eventual win for the Tide, and while I absolutely do not want to trivialize a diagnosis that Nick Saban is absolutely at-risk for, his positive result does throw a wrench into things. If Saban cannot participate Saturday and the weight of the game falls upon Steve Sarkisian, then you imagine things might even out quite a bit.
  • North Carolina-Florida State: So, maybe it’s because everyone cleared out for the BIG DUMB SEC FOOTBAWL game, but the rest of the shift isn’t really great by any means. This is by far the second most compelling game of the night, and the Tar Heels are favored by a whole 10 points.
  • Boston College-Virginia Tech: See above.
  • FIU-Charlotte: Okay, so this one might be a sleeper hit between two names who understandably might get passed over for top billing. But it’s also the only game of the shift besides Georgia-Bama that has a projected margin of less than a touchdown. You gotta take what you can get sometimes.