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Rating Every Week 6 NFL Game by LSU-Ness

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Since this is the only LSU Football we’ll get this weekend...

Cincinnati Bengals v Baltimore Ravens Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images

Good news: You don’t need to watch LSU players in the NFL as a way to escape from the cruel reality of LSU football this weekend! You can watch them and let that be your entire dose of LSU football for the time being! Let’s get right into what’s on the docket.

BRONCOS at PATRIOTS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Broncos Players: C Lloyd Cushenberry

Former LSU Patriots Players: None

This was on last week’s schedule. Now it’s supposed to be this week.

This shit is pretty stupid!

SCORE: 2/10

BEARS at PANTHERS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Bears Players: LB Barkevious Mingo

Former LSU Panthers Players: CB Donte Jackson

I didn’t really think anyone would care to watch a Panthers game just to see Joe Brady calling plays, but last week his QB Teddy Bridgewater threw a deep ball to Robby Anderson who beat AJ Terrell in coverage. Some things never change.

SCORE: 3/10

BENGALS at COLTS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Bengals Players: QB Joe Burrow

Former LSU Colts Players: None

Bengals games may be rated super high the next few weeks because we need to watch as much Burrow as possible before he abruptly retires to avoid being murdered on a football field. Our poor boy is taking a beating out there.

SCORE: 8/10

LIONS at JAGUARS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Lions Players: None

Former LSU Jaguars Players: WR DJ Chark, LB K’Lavon Chaisson

The Jaguars are incredible.

SCORE: 5/10

FALCONS at VIKINGS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on FOX (maybe????)

Former LSU Falcons Players: LB Deion Jones, WR Russell Gage

Former LSU Vikings Players: DE Danielle Hunter, WR Justin Jefferson

The Falcons were smart enough to fire Dan Quinn just before he went into his meaningless late season rebound to 7-9. I truly have no idea what to expect from them for the rest of the season, but two LSU starters for both teams give this one high marks!

SCORE: 7/10

WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM at GIANTS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Washington Players: T Saahdiq Charles

Former LSU Giants Players: None

Defund the NFC East.

SCORE: 1/10

TEXANS at TITANS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Texans Players: None

Former LSU Titans Players: CB Kristian Fulton

While I respect the Titans’ pettiness in not giving the Oilers name back to Houston, those colors and uniforms are so much better than the bland Texans shit. I reeeeeally wish the Houston Oilers could make a comeback. I needed to get that out somewhere.

SCORE: 2/10

RAVENS at EAGLES

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Ravens Players: LB Patrick Queen

Former LSU Eagles Players: S Jalen Mills, LB Duke Riley

Patrick Queen is living up to the last Patrick to be picked in the first round out of LSU when it comes to being must-watch as a rookie despite being on defense. He was a one-man reign of terror on Sunday, and is an easy favorite for DROY. Ravens games are scoring much higher now.

SCORE: 7/10

BROWNS at STEELERS

When: Oct. 18, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Browns Players: WR Odell Beckham Jr, WR Jarvis Landry, CB Greedy Williams (injured), LB Jacob Phillips

Former LSU Steelers Players: None

While I am excited about OBJ and Landry finally thriving on a seemingly good time, I am cautious of what is coming. A 4-1 Browns team? Keep your distance. Something powerful and dangerous may be at work. If they roll into Pittsburgh and knock off an undefeated Steelers team to go to 5-1, hunker down. America will have officially contracted the Cleveland Browns.

Also real quick, I LOVE the orange pants. Tremendous look.

SCORE: 8/10

JETS at DOLPHINS

When: Oct. 18, 3:05 CST on CBS

Former LSU Jets Players: None

Former LSU Dolphins Players: DT Davon Godchaux, LS Blake Ferguson

This game was moved up from November due to COVID-19 reshuffling the schedule. Did you know that in the original schedule the Dolphins were going to play the Jets on Nov. 15, have a bye the following week, then play the Jets on Nov. 29? That shit is crazy! That’s far too much exposure to the New York Jets in such a short amount of time. I’m glad the NFL did the right thing and moved the schedule to keep the Miami Dolphins players safe.

SCORE: 3/10

PACKERS at BUCCANEERS

When: Oct. 18, 3:25 CST on FOX

Former LSU Packers Players: None

Former LSU Bucs Players: LB Devin White, RB Leonard Fournette, LB Kevin Minter

The Buccaneers were so decimated by injuries at the RB position last week that Devin White took reps at practice in case of an emergency! Real ones remember him coming to campus as an RB in 2016.

SCORE: 7/10

RAMS at 49ERS

When: Oct. 18, 7:20 CST on NBC

Former LSU Rams Players: DT Michael Brockers, T Andrew Whitworth

Former LSU 49ers Players: LB Kwon Alexander

Don’t worry, the Rams are wearing their good-ish uniforms this week. You won’t have to avert your eyes!

SCORE: 5/10

CHIEFS at BILLS

When: Oct. 19, 4:00 CST on FOX/NFL Network/Amazon

Former LSU Chiefs Players: RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB Darrell Williams, S Tyrann Mathieu

Former LSU Bills Players: CB Tre’Davious White, LS Reid Ferguson

I am a degenerate who would watch any Monday afternoon football game, but this matchup has no right being this damn good. Four starters from LSU is just icing on the cake.

SCORE: 9/10

CARDINALS at COWBOYS

When: Oct. 19, 7:15 CST

Former LSU Cardinals Players: CB Patrick Peterson, DE Rashard Lawrence

Former LSU Cowboys Players: None

Not watching this for LSU, but to see if the Cowboys’ defense is bad enough to give us Big 12 Kyler Murray in all his glory. That would be a gift from the heavens.

SCORE: 4/10