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Playin’ Nice With Garnett And Black Attack

*insert COCKS joke here*

Vanderbilt v South Carolina Photo by Michael Chang/Getty Images

It’s game week! LSU faces its third straight unfamiliar SEC East opponent in the South Carolina Gamecocks. Here to break down the IMPORTANT questions ahead of tomorrow night’s game is Garnett And Black Attack’s Katie Dzwierzynski.

1. South Carolina beat Auburn for the first time since 1933 last Saturday. Beating Auburn is something we’re great at. Why didn’t y’all ask us for help?

Before I answer, I’d just like to note that I predicted this win. I also predicted our upset over Georgia last year and the upset over Alabama in 2010. I’m not saying y’all should be concerned because I’ve also predicted a win for South Carolina against LSU this weekend, I’m just putting it out there.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. It was more impressive to beat Auburn by ourselves first, rather than leaning on an expert for guidance. Also, y’all are Tigers too, and we’re not real big on working with Tigers of any sort, if I’m being honest. Now that we’re familiar with the experience of beating Auburn, though, maybe we can put that aside and compare notes some time to really build up a database of expertise on the topic, so we can work together to ensure they never win again.

2. LSU is expected to play two true freshman QBs on Saturday. Does South Carolina’s experience playing Vandy QBs every year make you feel confident for whatever LSU has in store on Saturday?

Despite my role as GABA’s resident Eternal Sports Optimist, literally nothing will ever make me feel confident about South Carolina playing anyone, regardless of their experience level. In theory, LSU playing a pair of true freshmen at QB should be good news for the Gamecocks, but it wouldn’t be the first time we got handed a beneficial situation and didn’t take advantage. That being said, it would be fine with me if those two guys want to really show that they’re true freshmen.

Also, bless the collective heart of all Vandy QBs since Jay Cutler.

3. Honestly how do y’all deal with that chicken scream over the PA every ten seconds?

To quote our Welcome to Williams-Brice gameday video, “your wake-up call is our battle cry.” I honestly didn’t know so many people were aggrieved by the gamecock crowing until all the tweets during the game last weekend, but that just makes me like it more. HATERS TO THE LEFT.

4. Will Muschamp definitely hates having to wear a mask more than any other coach in the SEC, right?

I feel like he’s actually okay with it? I’m not Muschamp’s biggest fan when it comes to his coaching, but at least he hasn’t made any embarrassing comments about COVID-19 stuff. I’d put my money on Dan Mullen being the coach who hates wearing a mask the most, although maybe now that he got COVID-19, that’ll change. There’s also whatever the heck Lane Kiffin wore on his face, which was...a choice, or what Jeremy Pruitt was wearing on his ears. Dudes who can’t even figure out a mask seem like ones who are opposed to wearing one imo.

5. I’m thinking back to last January when LSU beat that other team from South Carolina in football. *wistful sigh* Things were so much simpler then.

Ah, the good old days. *sips whiskey* That other team from South Carolina losing is always a good time as far as I’m concerned, and that picture of Dabo with the big L flag behind him was just...*chef’s kiss* Put it in the Louvre and every other museum on Earth.

I personally think it would be nice if someone else could follow y’all’s lead and hand them another loss, preferably an embarrassing one that haunts their fans for eternity. It’s a small request.