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Playin’ “Nice” With College and Magnolia

PICTURED: Auburn’s Gus Malzahn speaks to his star player

Auburn v South Carolina Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

deep sigh

I regret to inform that it is Auburn week. For 4 hours we will be subjected to an ugly, joyless, nonsensical football game that neither fanbase will enjoy. Here to commemorate in our shared misery is College and Magnolia’s Ryan Sterritt.

1. Last year Auburn switched things up by blowing a single digit lead to LSU instead of a double digit lead. How big a lead do you envision Auburn blowing this year?

Doesn’t matter how big a lead you blow when you have the SEC replay officials in your back pocket. Just for fun, let’s say Auburn blows a 13 point lead and LSU goes up one with a minute to play. Auburn then drives down the field into field goal range, only to false start right before missing the game winning field goal. Since it was a pre-snap penalty, Auburn re-kicks and hits the game winner as time expires.

2. An LSU-Auburn game on Halloween definitely means some witchcraft is happening. Which Auburn player past or present most likely has supernatural powers that could come into play?

Since kicking seems to play such a major role in this rivalry, especially in Jordan-Hare (see: 2004, 2016, 2018), I’ve got to say it’s John Vaughn. He’s not really a malevolent spirit for or against Auburn – I think he just plays a role similar to Peeve’s the Poltergeist. Pranks, chaos, whatever is the most meme-able outcome, the ghost of John Vaughn is the one behind it.

3. Same question as above but which past or present LSU player?

Demetrius Byrd, hands down. That man still has a Kreuger-esque hold on my dreams.

4. Y’all lost to South Carolina? C’mon man we beat them by 4 TDs with a backup QB. It’s not that hard!

I’m going to defer my response to this question until after we play Mississippi State.

5. Are we gonna get a good Bo Nix or bad Bo Nix game Saturday? Is there a pattern to these sort of things?

This one is at home where he’s been much better so far in his career. But Bo isn’t the one you should be worried about…

6. What event from the LSU-Auburn rivalry would make the best Halloween costume?

There’s so many to choose from, but I think I’d have to go with dressing up as an angry Rod Gilmore, adamant that you can’t tell when the ball was snapped at the end of the 2016 game.