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How To Football: Week Six

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Welcome to week six of the college football season. Please join me in the mud pit of fun.

Before we start, I hope you all stay safe this weekend. There are things more important than football and your lives are chief among them.

Hopefully this cowardly bitch ass hurricane dies off in the gulf and you all have power by 11 AM Saturday to kick back and enjoy the day of football after picking up twigs. I really, really want that to be the case, but stay safe regardless.

Schedule as of 11 AM Wednesday
WatsonTiger Excel Productions, LLC.

Calm Before The Storm Shift

  • Tulane-Houston: As PodKATT pointed out on Twitter, if this game was being played in New Orleans, then Houston’s season opener would be postponed yet again. As it stands, The game should get off without a hitch and both teams should be able to hunker down safely. The actual game should be a pretty good one considering we don’t know anything about the Cougars at all following their bold strategy to tank the 2019 season that cost them their starting quarterback.

BEES? Shift

  • llvll-Georgia Tech: Georgia Tech and llvll exist in the same sphere as two programs that are in the middle of a ground-up rebuild. with the Cardinals a little further along under Scott Satterfield than Georgia Tech is under Goeff Collins. Even still, SP+ says the birds with teeth are less than a touchdown favorites.

Your Game Is Starting On ESPNNEWS Shift

  • LSU-Missouri: As of writing, we still do not have an answer for what station the relocated and re-times game will be, but if I were a wagering man I’d say either ESPNNEWS or the SEC Network Alternate Channel, which you do in fact get if you get the SEC Network.
  • Oklahoma-Texas: The MAJOR IMPLICATIONS shine has been effectively stripped from this game in the last two weeks, but that doesn’t mean that the game won’t be buck wild. The current trend of the game is that it will absolutely take a hard right turn from your expectations, meaning since Oklahoma is a three point favorite per SP+, then Texas is likely to skull drag them.
  • Florida-Texas A&M: Despite trying to be plucky and offering resistance, Aggy got outright flattened in Tuscaloosa last weekend and now they draw the only offense in the conference that might challenge the Tide for most potent offense. Good luck!
  • Virginia Tech-North Carolina: After dropping the hammer on Syracuse and having their game against Charlotte cancelled, the Tar Heels barely escaped Boston College, firmly planting them in the good-not-great stratosphere until further notice. Meanwhile, the Hokies have beaten NC State and Duke, which isn’t great on their own but are the results a program like VT expects to get behind Justin Fuente. This game doesn’t have any of the big time implications Red River does, but I’m interested to see how these two teams match up in terms of talent.
  • Duke-Syracuse: So this might not sound enticing on a name recognition level, but SP+ is calling this a virtual tossup, which is good enough for me.

Purple Rain Shift

  • Kansas State-TCU: For the first time since Collin Klein was there, Kansas State is fun to watch, and that’s not a program-adjusted compliment. They have scored 30+ in three straight games, and while that includes a loss to Arkansas State week one, it also accounts for wins over Texas Tech and Oklahoma. And while TCU is coming off a non-bowl eligible year, this should be a pretty fun romp.
  • Texas Tech-Iowa State: This is how confusing the Big 12 is this year: after losing 31-14 to ULL to start the season, Iowa State beat TCU 37-34 and Oklahoma 37-30 to put themselves in the drivers seat of the conference with a win over Texas Tech and Oklahoma State. And to be honest, I’d be here for it.
  • Tennessee-Georgia: Georgia has been wildly inconsistent in the first two weeks, struggling against Arkansas (more on that below) before blowing up Auburn last week. Tennessee struggled with South Carolina in the conference opener, but beat Missouri like a Tennessee team should beat Missouri. I’m definitely not saying you should put the house on the Vols, but I’m interested to see what team shows up to play.
  • Arkansas-Auburn: So after Georgia struggled against Arkansas and Mississippi State straight up lost to the Razorbacks, the common factor behind the two is...Arkansas. Maybe that’s who the Hogs are under Sam Pittman? Maybe they’re a halfway decent team who just makes life hell for teams with more talent? I think this week will really give us a larger sample size to go off of.
  • Pitt-Boston College: I can’t get a read on either of these teams. BC beat the tar out of Duke, narrowly escape Texas State at home, and then barely lose to UNC. Pitt put double nickels on Austin Peay, beat Syracuse by two scores but then lost to llvll. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not sure what to expect here. SP+ says the Panthers by a little over a touchdown.
  • Temple-Navy: PodKATT threatened to withhold my pay if I didn’t include this. (The Owls are favored by 4.5.)

The Mud Pit Of Fun Shift

  • Miami (FL)-Clemson: I don’t know, I’m just having a hard time taking the dive on Miami being good enough to lock horns with Clemson for the whole game. I think my opinion lined up with the projected margin of 11.4: Miami will be giving chase to the Tigers for three and a half quarters before the depth and experience of Clemson shifts into a gear that Miami doesn’t have. It’s definitely worth the main screen.
  • Mississippi State-Kentucky: I think Kentucky is the best winless team in college football. They fought admirably against Auburn and were on the wrong end of a terrible call and points swing before blowing a lead to Ole Miss. Okay so maybe good teams don’t do that, but what I want to say is that if Arkansas can “upset” Miss State then it’s entirely within the realm of possibility.
  • Charlotte-North Texas: Okay so this is what happens when the LSU game gets moved from a night shift that isn’t really deep to begin with: you get to go deep into the mud pit and roll around in the G5 filth. This is as close to a pure coinflip as we can get, with the projected margin of victory being .1 (point one), meaning anything can happen here.
  • Florida State-Notre Dame: I mean I guess watch this fore the prestige TV factor until Notre Dame pulls away and you can return to the people having fun in the G5 mud pit.
  • Marshall-Western Kentucky: Since we’re forgoing name recognition for fun, let’s dial up Doc Holliday’s and Tyson’s Helton’s boys to get a good ole fashioned barnburner. Grant Wells, Marshall’s redshirt freshman quarterback, is a joy to watch and is on pace to become one of the greatest “OH YEAH, THAT GUY!” G5 players in the next year or two.