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Velveeta Cheese is a Bigger LSU Basketball Fan than You

Give me all the hoops takes from sentient brands

University of Mississippi Ole Miss Rebels vs Louisiana State University Fighting Tigers Photo by Allsport/Getty Images

Generally speaking Twitter is a terrible place but every now and then there are some truly remarkable instances.

Like this one Monday afternoon for example. The account Hoop Central posed the question “who is the most underrated player in NBA history,” and someone with the keys to Velveeta’s Twitter account responded with this:

Hell yeah. Velveeta (@EatLiquidGold) knows a walking BUCKET when they see one and they know Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf (formerly Chris Jackson) was a goddamn scoring machine.

Abdul-Rauf set the NCAA scoring record for a freshman with 30 points a game in the 1988-89 season, and scored a freshman record 55 points against Ole Miss. As a sophomore he continued to fill it up with 27 points a game. He was in Baton Rouge for only two years and was the SEC player of the year both seasons.

Abdul-Rauf went on and played nine seasons in the NBA, averaged 14 points a game, and was the NBA’s Most Improved Player in the 1992-93 season.

Now some people—we’ll call those people nerds— took offense to Velveeta’s assertion that Abdul-Rauf was the truth. The nerds said “BuT hIs PlUs MiNuS!” and I’m pleased to tell you that Velveeta was having NONE of it.

Yes. Thank you, Velveeta. Thank you for not surrendering to the analytical nerds out there who clearly never played basketball in their lives. Plus/minus? Folks the only plus when it comes to Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf is his A+ shooting touch and his sick handle. Maybe you, the nerds, should minus the chitchat and watch some of his highlights.

Velveeta I’d like to hire whoever runs your Twitter account. I want ATVS to have a bigger focus on basketball and if this person knows Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf was the truth, then I’m sure they’ll be excellent addition to our team.