Rating Every Week 14 NFL Game By LSU-Ness

If you’re still looking more forward to actual LSU football games than just watching our alumni in the NFL, you certainly have distinct taste. Let’s get onto the games.

A quick reminder that players either out for the season or on practice squads aren’t listed. I’m only listing Tigers that you might get to see dress out in each game.

PATRIOTS at RAMS

When: Dec. 10, 7:20 CST on FOX/NFL Network/Amazon Prime

Former LSU Patriots Players: LB Tashawn Bower

Former LSU Rams Players: DT Michael Brockers

We really hade just a single day between the end of Week 13 and the start of Week 14. What a mess.

SCORE: 3/10

VIKINGS at BUCCANEERS

When: Dec. 13, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Vikings Players: WR Justin Jefferson

Former LSU Bucs Players: LB Devin White, RB Leonard Fournette, LB Kevin Minter

Justin Jefferson is really that goddamn dude. This tweet becomes truer every week.

SCORE: 9/10

CARDINALS at GIANTS

When: Dec. 13, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Cardinals Players: CB Patrick Peterson, DE Rashard Lawrence

Former LSU Giants Players: None

It might be time to ease up on the NFC East jokes now that the Giants seem uhhh kinda good?? The Cardinals are in freefall so we all kinda see where this game is headed.

SCORE: 4/10

CHIEFS at DOLPHINS

When: Dec. 13, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Chiefs Players: RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB Darrell Williams, S Tyrann Mathieu

Former LSU Dolphins Players: LS Blake Ferguson

Apologies to those who tuned in Sunday night expecting some Clyde. He was active but didn’t play due to an illness. But you shouldn’t be too upset because the game was bookended by two Tyrann Mathieu interceptions! That’s always a good time.

SCORE: 8/10

TITANS at JAGUARS

When: Dec. 13, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Titans Players: CB Kristian Fulton

Former LSU Jaguars Players: WR DJ Chark, LB K’Lavon Chaisson

Chaisson had a breakout game last Sunday during what has apparently been a rough rookie season for him, so that’s good to see. What you probably won’t see however, is the Jags winning this game.

SCORE: 5/10

COWBOYS at BENGALS

When: Dec. 13, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Cowboys Players: None

Former LSU Bengals Players: this sucks

Is rooting for the Bengals to fire Zac Taylor and make Joe Brady head coach pure LSU fan fiction? Sure it is, but everything that happened when Burrow and Brady were together was the purest fan fiction imaginable, so we’re gonna try to make it happen.

SCORE: 0/10

TEXANS at BEARS

When: Dec. 13, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Texans Players: None

Former LSU Bears Players: LB Barkevious Mingo

The Bears are bringing back those weird throwbacks again for some reason for this game. You have no reason to watch this.

Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

SCORE: 1/10

BRONCOS at PANTHERS

When: Dec. 13, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Broncos Players: C Lloyd Cushenberry

Former LSU Panthers Players: CB Donte Jackson

The Panthers and Bucs just had their bye weeks LAST WEEK! All the way in December! And nobody had a bye the week before. I have no idea what the schedule makers were smoking when they made that.

SCORE: 3/10

JETS at SEAHAWKS

When: Dec. 13, 3:05 CST on CBS

Former LSU Jets Players: None

Former LSU Seahawks Players: S Jamal Adams, G Damien Lewis, C Ethan Pocic

Watch only to see what the Jets could possibly do next.

SCORE: 5/10

COLTS at RAIDERS

When: Dec. 13, 3:05 CST on CBS

Former LSU Colts Players: None

Former LSU Raiders Players: TE Foster Moreau, DE Arden Key

God I hope that Raiders win last week puts them in the Playoffs and another team has to reckon with the fact that they’re at home because of that.

SCORE: 4/10

SAINTS at EAGLES

When: Dec. 13, 3:25 CST on FOX

Former LSU Saints Players: LB Kwon Alexander, C Will Clapp

Former LSU Eagles Players: S Jalen Mills, LB Duke Riley

Here’s your chance to see former Peach Bowl victim Jalen Hurts make his fourth start against a team from Louisiana. One thing from the first three games is certain: he will score a rushing touchdown. After that there’s no telling what the hell could happen.

SCORE: 6/10

WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM at 49ERS

When: Dec. 13, 3:25 CST on FOX

Former LSU Washington Players: None

Former LSU 49ers Players: None

Well well well, would you look at those Washington... football players. What an upset! Don’t look at this game though.

SCORE: 0/10

PACKERS at LIONS

When: Dec. 13, 3:25 CST on FOX

Former LSU Packers Players: None

Former LSU Lions Players: None

If you have RedZone, always be thankful for rare days like these where there are six games in the afternoon slot. None of them seem that good, but one of them might be stupid and close! This game might seem bad, but the Packers haven’t won in Detroit by double digits in NINE YEARS! There still won’t be any LSU players though so, sorry!

SCORE: 0/10

FALCONS at CHARGERS

When: Dec. 13, 3:25 CST on FOX

Former LSU Falcons Players: LB Deion Jones, WR Russell Gage

Former LSU Chargers Players: G Trai Turner, DE Breiden Fehoko

While this matchup between 4-8 and 3-9 teams might not seem like a good game, it has immense potential to get AMAZINGLY STUPID.

Not only is this your must-watch game for LSU purposes, but it’s also the NFL Sickos Game of the Year.

SCORE: 6/10

STEELERS at BILLS

When: Dec. 13, 7:20 CST on NBC

Former LSU Steelers Players: T Jerald Hawkins

Former LSU Bills Players: CB Tre’Davious White, LS Reid Ferguson

Buffalo in prime time is far less magical with no fans, but if the weather looks like it did last time these teams played in Buffalo we’re in for a fun time.

RAVENS at BROWNS

When: Dec. 14, 7:15 CST on ESPN

Former LSU Ravens Players: LB Patrick Queen

Former LSU Browns Players: WR Jarvis Landry, LB Jacob Phillips

Did you think Buffalo in a massive Sunday night game was fun? How about 9-3 CLEVELAND BROWNS FIGHTING TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS AT HOME ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL AGAINST THEIR OLD TEAM?? HELL YEAH GOOD MONDAY NIGHT GAMES ARE BACK!

SCORE: 7/10