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Playin’ “Nice” With David Wunderlich

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It’s almost over

NCAA Football: Florida at Louisiana State Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

We are almost at the merciful end of the 2020 college football season. One of the teams in our way of the glorious offseason is the hated Florida Gators. Here to give us a rundown on this sad 2019 LSU imposter is GatorCountry.com’s David Wunderlich, who you can find on Twitter @Year2.

1. How is Florida prepping for playing LSU later in the season due to the original game being delayed, something that has surely never happened before?

Florida fans are doing their time-honored tradition of freaking out about not winning games by enough points. I’m not sure if many of them realize who the next opponent is until a day or two before the game. They just know that it is Not Alabama, and the Gators definitely didn’t beat the last Not Alabama by 30+ points, and they won’t beat the Tide if they can’t beat everyone else 52-10. Wait a sec, who are you again? Which site is this Q&A for?

The Florida team, meanwhile, is under an information lockdown that is somehow even more tight than it was under two former Saban assistants — it’s all about COVID privacy, you see, definitely not something Dan Mullen would do every year if he could get away with it — but no one outside the program is complaining about that because they’re winning. And also fretting about Mullen punting on 4th & 5 in plus territory and then allowing a 96-yard touchdown drive last week against Tennessee.

2. Many are comparing Kyle Trask’s 2020 season to Joe Burrow’s 2019 season, but Trask has yet to have his ass exposed on an unfortunate tackle this year. How will he be able to overcome this disadvantage with the Heisman voters?

Florida will put together a flyer with the dreamiest headshot they can find of the blond-haired, blue-eyed Trask and send it to all of the stodgy old white guy Heisman voters (of which there are many). They won’t even have to print the subtext, which is “don’t you wish he was your grandson?”

This will be contrasted with a picture of shirtless AJ McCarron and his chest tattoos labeled as Mac Jones, as this is definitely NOT who they want their grandsons to be. It doesn’t matter that’s it’s not Jones, since all white Alabama quarterbacks look about the same. Besides, this set of Heisman voters only watches a game or two a week and therefore hasn’t ever seen Jones with his helmet off.

3. Florida is playing LSU this weekend despite having already clinched its spot in the SEC Title Game and putting its College Football Playoff chances at risk. Would LSU winning this game, only for the Gators to beat Alabama, be the most 2020 outcome possible?

The most 2020 outcome possible would be for Florida to win but then have a COVID outbreak at Alabama cancel the SEC Championship Game. Paul Finebaum will then spend the next few days arguing as to why the SEC should get three teams into the playoff.

4. How many points does Florida need to win by for y’all to finally jump the Aggies in the rankings?

Table stakes is beating LSU by more than A&M did, and since that was a 20-7 slopfest in the rain, clearing that bar shouldn’t be too hard. The committee likes to be obtuse about things, though, so they really might not put the Gators above the Aggies regardless due to the head-to-head result and the mechanical counting of losses.

Does it matter that we have the term “upset” to describe when the better team doesn’t win? No, it won’t, because they guy who’s been happily writing checks to Kirk Ferentz for boring football is running the show.

5. What’s more difficult: defending Kyle Pitts in the red zone or purchasing a PS5?

I’m going to say getting a PS5, if for no other reason than shoving people is not only allowed but encouraged when trying to defend Pitts.