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Playin’ ‘Nice’ With Roll Bama Roll

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so we really doing this huh

Ha-Vy Nguyen

It’s LSU-Bama Day! And as always, there has been tons of great sportsmanship and friendly nudging on both sides of the ga-hahahahah sorry I couldn’t finish that with a straight face.

Anyway, here to give us a REAL rundown on today’s game is Brent Taylor of Roll Bama Roll. We’ll see what Tide fans have been up to during their agonizing one-game losing streak to the Tigers.

1. Well would you look at that, Bama doesn’t have a winning streak against LSU anymore! I don’t have a question, I’m just soaking it in while I still can.

Well if you’re soaking up some sun too, I guess it’s a good thing you’re not streaking. Would lead to some rather painful experiences. Kinda like losing 8 in a row. Though I guess that’s more of an existential pain. I wouldn’t know.

2. Many Bama fans have accused LSU of faking COVID cases to duck Bama. If that’s the case, then why was Saban trying to duck Auburn? Is it because Bo Nix dropped 300 yards and 3 TDs on LSU? Because I haven’t watched Auburn’s other games and he’s surely posted equally prolific numbers against every team he’s faced this year.

Saban also feinted on ducking Georgia, but came back in the 11th hour. The Tide won both games, though, so I haven’t figured out his strategy yet. Next level game theory, if you ask me. I guess that’s why we pay him tens of millions of dollars while SBNation/Vox pays for my internet bill.

And, look, Bo Nix is no Joe Burrow, no matter how bad LSU wanted to see another Burrow… Even if he was on another team.

3. What is your estimate for the amount of property damage Saban caused while watching the Iron Bowl at home?

I’m sure he stress-ate at least 7 Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies. Likely a broken TV remote. And I’d also guess there’s now a worn trail on the highly expensive rug in the room. Throw in a broken headset for good measure (because he just felt wrong not having a headset to throw). So, all total, let’s say $3,031.

4. No team in college football has been able to contain DeVonta Smith. Do you expect LSU’s defense to be an extra challenge since they already have a history of allowing DeVonta Smith to rack up 200 yards and 2 TDs?

I think Derek Stingley was born for this challenge. Seriously though, he did great on TayTay last year. He would have held him to only 140 or so yards if Alabama hadn’t run that tricky quick snap while everyone was looking at the sidelines. So giving up 200+ yet again will be a tall task… I mean, you’re no Ole Miss.

5. Before we engage in a game filled with hate and bloodshed, let’s find some common ground for us to agree on: fuck Dabo Swinney right?

If I EVER have to see Dabo Swinney in a script Alabama A, I’m gonna have to go ahead and retire from the internet from all the grief I’ve given him and his goofy, insincere schtick. Yuck. If you’re good with that, then I’m your best friend. Enemy of my enemy, right?

Besides, you guys have been on the receiving end of Auburn Jesus shenanigans a few times yourselves… That basically makes us blood brothers.