Rating Every Week 2 NFL Game By LSU-Ness

Week 1 of the NFL came and went. We learned a lot. Most LSU fans had their eyes on the Bengals-Chargers game to see the meeting of an unstoppable force (Joe Burrow’s incredible football abilities) and an immovable object (the Bengals being a massive shitshow).

Last week the Bengals’ constant ineptitude proved to powerful for Burrow’s late-game heroics to overcome. Tonight we get to see if they can bounce back.

BENGALS at BROWNS

When: Sept. 17, 7:20 CST on NFL Network

Former LSU Bengals Players: QB Joe Burrow:

Former LSU Browns Players: WR Odell Beckham Jr, WR Jarvis Landry, CB Greedy Williams, LB Jacob Phillips

Last week I said every Browns game will be an automatic 6 and Bengals games are an automatic 8. So why is this matchup not a 14? Well Greedy and Phillips are out with injuries, while Landry is questionable. Also both of these teams looked like ass like week.

But the fact that we get to see Joe Burrow, Odell Beckham Jr. and (hopefully) Jarvis Landry on the same field... that is tight. If you don’t have NFL Network, borrow a friend’s YouTube TV password. This is one of only two times we’ll get to see Joe Burrow in prime time this year. Watch this.

SCORE: 10/10

JAGUARS at TITANS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Jaguars Players: WR DJ Chark, LB K’Lavon Chaisson

Former LSU Titans Players: CB Kristian Fulton

I thought it was an NFL rule that Titans-Jags had to be on Thursday Night. Now it’s at noon? That’s weird. Either way, not a bad LSU game.

SCORE: 7/10.

PANTHERS at BUCCANEERS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Panthers Players: CB Donte Jackson

Former LSU Bucs Players: LB Devin White, RB Leonard Fournette, LB Kevin Minter

The Bucs’ trio of Tigers is great because one is on defense, one’s on offense, and the other is the special teams captain. Once Leonard adjusts to his new team, there will likely be a Tiger on the field for almost every snap there the Bucs are on the field.

SCORE: 7/10

BRONCOS at STEELERS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Broncos Players: C Lloyd Cushenberry

Former LSU Steelers Players: None

It really is so cool that Lloyd Cushenberry is a starting center already. Not cool enough to make this game super compelling though.

SCORE: 3/10

RAMS at EAGLES

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Rams Players: DT Michael Brockers, T Andrew Whitworth

Former LSU Eagles Players: S Jalen Mills, LB Duke Riley

I still can’t believe multiple people thought the Rams’ BONE colored uniforms were an actual good idea. Uniforms shouldn’t be that hard yet here we are.

SCORE: 6/10

49ERS at JETS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU 49ers Players: LB Kwon Alexander

Former LSU Jets Players: None

Kwon Alexander racked up 9 tackles last Sunday, but still had the unenviable task of playing against Kyler Murray. A Twitter search of his name shows very different responses on his outing from LSU and 49er fans.

SCORE: 2/10

BILLS at DOLPHINS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Bills Players: CB Tre’Davious White, LS Reid Ferguson

Former LSU Dolphins Players: DT Davon Godchaux, LS Blake Ferguson

THE FERGUSON BOWL! WATCH WATCH WATCH!!!

SCORE: 10/10

VIKINGS at COLTS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Vikings Players: DE Danielle Hunter, WR Justin Jefferson

Former LSU Colts Players: None

I once again regret to inform you......... skol.

SCORE: 5/10

LIONS at PACKERS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Lions Players: None

Former LSU Packers Players: None

Did y’all hear that Big Ten football is back? That shit is hilarious. But I would much rather watch Michigan-Wisconsin than this.

SCORE: 0/10

FALCONS at COWBOYS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on FOX

Former LSU Falcons Players: LB Deion Jones, WR Russell Gage

Former LSU Cowboys Players: T La’el Collins

La’el is injured, so this one takes a hit. Please don’t make me talk about the Falcons and Cowboys more than I have to.

SCORE: 4/10

GIANTS at BEARS

When: Sept. 20, 12:00 CST on CBS

Former LSU Giants Players: None

Former LSU Bears Players: LB Barkevious Mingo

Don’t watch this. Just watch Barkevious’ LSU highlights instead.

SCORE: 2/10

WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM at CARDINALS

When: Sept. 20, 3:05 CST on FOX

Former LSU Washington Players: T Saahdiq Charles

Former LSU Cardinals Players: CB Patrick Peterson, DE Rashard Lawrence

It’s been so awesome to see Patrick Peterson still playing a high level for the team that drafted him, even as they rebuild for a third time during his tenure. Rashard Lawrence played 14 snaps last week, but did not record a tackle. Still great to see him get playing time early on.

Having both Kyler Murray and DeAndre Hopkins is a compelling reason to watch any Cardinals game this year because those two guys are must-watch television. While that is true, I should mention that those two players went to Oklahoma and Clemson, two schools that lost to the LSU Tigers in the 2019-20 College Football Playoff. Just felt like I should mention that.

SCORE: 5/10

RAVENS at TEXANS

When: Sept. 20, 3:25 CST on CBS

Former LSU Ravens Players: LB Patrick Queen

Former LSU Texans Players: None

Patrick Queen is all alone here, but he did have himself a hell of a game in his NFL debut with 8 tackles, a sack, and a forced fumble. I think the anger over the Saints passing on him is an overreaction because the Saints’ O-line was a bigger need and they got a solid LB Zack Baun in the 3rd round, but Baun was a healthy scratch while Queen did... that. But it’s only been one game, so I will not yet admit defeat.

SCORE: 3/10

CHIEFS at CHARGERS

When: Sept. 20, 3:25 CST on CBS

Former LSU Chiefs Players: RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB Darrell Williams, S Tyrann Mathieu

Former LSU Chargers Players: G Trai Turner

I think a lot of people expected the favorite for Offensive Rookie of the Year to be the playmaker from LSU. After 1 week that is true because the current favorite is... Clyde Edwards-Helaire???

But really, what a Week 1 for Clyde. The defending Super Bowl already had great value with their trio of Tigers, but Clyde’s stellar opening means we should tune in every chance we get.

SCORE: 9/10

PATRIOTS at SEAHAWKS

When: Sept. 20, 7:20 CST on NBC

Former LSU Patriots Players: DE Tashawn Bower

Former LSU Seahawks Players: S Jamal Adams, G Damien Lewis, C Ethan Pocic

It’s a shame we only got one year of Cam Newton at Auburn. He would have been a perfect LSU villain the same way he was for the Saints. This matchup made me imagine if we somehow got a night game in Tiger Stadium where Cam Newton is quarterbacking Auburn and Jamal Adams and Arden Key are leading the LSU defense. Can’t happen for multiple reasons, but damn that sounds electric.

SCORE: 6/10

SAINTS at RAIDERS

When: Sept. 21, 7:15 CST on ESPN

Former LSU Saints Players: C Will Clapp

Former LSU Raiders Players: TE Foster Moreau, DE Arden Key

Remember when some people floated the idea of Jon Gruden coming to LSU in 2016? I desperately want to see what that reality looks like. Anyway, this is the first home game for the Las Vegas Raiders. Did you forget they’re in Vegas now? Here’s your chance to remember. Also we might be watching LSU play a game there real soon...

An LSU game in Vegas needs to happen for several reasons, but if it comes at the expense of our currently scheduled trip to the Rose Bowl next year that will be extremely unfortunate.

SCORE: 4/10