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NFLSU Gamethread: Week 3

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Alexa, fast forward to Monday night

Baltimore Ravens v Houston Texans Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

Good morning, welcome to week three of the NFL season.

I’ll be honest, I watched literally zero snaps of Thursday night’s Dolphins-Jaguars game. Neither Miami nor Jacksonville have the strongest LSU ties and that was worsened by DJ Chark not playing due to a chest and back injury. K’Lavon Chaisson had a pair of tackles, Davon Godchaux had one and if I did my math right Blake Ferguson handled nine snaps (four punts, four extra points, one field goal). Job well done, gents. May thy spirit live in us. Forever LSU. So on and so forth.

Anyway, the Sunday slate isn’t the greatest this week. If you’re like me, you’ll spend all day Sunday pacing around the room counting the hours before tonight’s Saints-Packers game and hoping against hope that you don’t need to start looking for a retirement community to put Drew Brees in.

On to this week’s games.

BEARS at FALCONS, 12:00 P.M., FOX

The Falcons are the highest of comedies and while 2020 remains terrible at least they come up with new, historic ways to lose. Per ESPN Stats and Info teams were 440-0 when scoring at least 39 points and zero turnovers—remember turnovers have been an official stat since 1933— until last week when the Falcons did this.

Hilarious. But it’s at the expense of Russell Gage, who has really turned into quite a wide receiver, and Debo Jones. Curse you Atlanta!

RAMS at BILLS, 12:00 P.M., FOX

Probably the best game of the day, it’s the only Sunday game with two 2-0 teams going at it. From an LSU perspective there’s not much here except maybe seeing Tre’Davious White try to sneak past Andrew Whitworth on a corner blitz.

WASHINGTON at BROWNS, 12:00 P.M., FOX

The Browns will always be worth keeping an eye on due to the sheer amount of LSU players on it. Odell Beckham caught a touchdown last Thursday night and Jarvis Landry caught three passes. Greedy Williams will be out and Jacob Phillips reportedly didn’t practice so that blows.

As for Washington, Saahdiq Charles continues to be nagged by injuries and will be out today.

TITANS at VIKINGS, 12:00 P.M., CBS

We might get to see Kristian Fulton cover Justin Jefferson and that’s exciting. Fulton also recorded his first career interception last week. Congrats! Boy we sure could have used Fulton yesterday amirite? *sad trombone noise*

RAIDERS at PATRIOTS, 12:00 P.M., CBS

Not a whole lot here, the Pats don’t have any LSU players on the active roster, and Foster Moreau backs up Darren Waller, who apparently is the greatest tight end to ever live based off how he torched the Saints Monday night. Moreau did catch a 31-yard pass last week so that’s good.

49ERS at GIANTS, 12:00 P.M., FOX

Hmm...yeah no thanks I’ll pass on this one. Good luck to Kwon Alexander and all but no thank you.

BENGALS at EAGLES, 12:00 P.M., CBS

It’s a testament to how good Joe Burrow is that the Bengals have lost their two games by a combined eight points. The offensive line is ass, A.J. Green is washed and the Bengal defense can’t stop a nosebleed.

But the Eagles are also 0-2 and what’s their excuse? The Bengals aren’t talented, sure but the Eagles just look bad. I’m not sure what’s worse.

TEXANS at STEELERS, 12:00 P.M., CBS

Until Pittsburgh elevates John Battle or Jerald Hawkins to the active roster there’s no real point in following the Steelers. Houston had Hawkins on its roster, but Pittsburgh signed Hawkins to its practice squad last week. JERALD HAWKINS REVENGE GAME???? (Probably not)

JETS at COLTS, 3:05 P.M., CBS

It’s football.

PANTHERS at CHARGERS, 3:05 P.M., CBS

Donte Jackson picked off some old guy last week in Tampa Bay. Rude! We here at ATVS have a strict respect our elders policy.

Also apparently the Chargers team doctor fucking punctured Tyrod Taylor’s lung accidentally. I didn’t know the Chargers hired Vincent Vega.

BUCCANEERS at BRONCOS, 3:25 P.M., FOX

Leonard Fournette rebounded after having a rough five carry, five-yard outing two weeks ago against the Saints, rushing for 103 yards and two touchdowns against the Panthers. Also here’s hoping Bucs defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh doesn’t break a bottle over Lloyd Cushenberry’s head.

LIONS at CARDINALS, 3:25 P.M., FOX

The Cardinals are fun. They have Kyler Murray, who went to Oklahoma, and DeAndre Hopkins, who went to Clemson. LSU, you might remember, beat both those teams en route to the national championship last year, which Rashard Lawrence was part of.

COWBOYS at SEAHAWKS 3:25 P.M., FOX

Jamal Adams continues to be a force of nature for the Seahawks. Seattle traded two first round picks to the Jets and that might have been a bargain. Also La’el Collins “does not appear on track” to play next week, the earliest he could return from injured reserve.

PACKERS at SAINTS, 7:20 P.M., NBC

Drew Brees please.

CHIEFS at RAVENS, Monday September 28, 7:15 P.M., ESPN

Oh hell yeah, early contender for game of the year and possible AFC Championship. And it’s on Monday night! I guess the NFL likes ESPN again if they’re giving them good games.

Patrick Queen is currently leading the Ravens in tackles. Clyde Edwards-Helaire didn’t have quite as strong a game in week two as he did in week one, but he is still top-10 in the NFL in rushing with 176 yards and right at five yards a carry.

Now on to my picks from our friends at Tallysight. Head to head I did pretty well, going 12-3 but against the spread and over/unders I was 8-7 on both. Good teams win, great teams cover, mediocre bloggers whiff on half their picks.