Playing Dirty: Ole Miss

The 2021 LSU and Ole Miss seasons have been very different, but equally dramatic. Here to fill us in on those wild boys from Oxford is Red Cup Rebellion’s One Man To Beat.

1. LSU does this cool thing where they do the things Ole Miss does but way better. One example is LSU has a huge tailgating scene like Ole Miss, but LSU allows open flames. Another is LSU fired Ed Orgeron just like Ole Miss, but won a championship with him first. What are some of your other favorite things LSU does better than Ole Miss?

Goodness, there may not be enough bandwidth on this site to handle the countless words I can pen on this subject. Make sure you add an extra nutria to the oversized hamster wheel that powers the internet in the bayou for this one.

-Skirting the NCAA: We clearly believe in helping these goons find all our transgressions and snitching on ourselves. LSU meanwhile goes and hires people related to the highest levels of NCAA bureaucracy to help with oversight of embezzling recruiting payoffs through a children’s hospital and somehow also fly under the radar of an FBI investigation. Our former embattled coaching staff couldn’t even invest in a damn flip phone to cover themselves.

-Supporting big tobacco: Y’all rip heaters with the best of them, Phillip Morris should have naming rights somewhere on campus. I’ve always battled the whole “corn dog smell” rumor, because I think it’s more of a “Virginia Slim’s convention meets funnel cake carny worker” smell.

-Folksy football player stories: Every year there seems to be these hyperbolic tales about LSU players on ESPN that can’t be all truth but just are ridiculous and interesting. There was a guy one year like the biggest baby ever born in the state, 23 pounds and already rated a three star by Rivals in the hospital. Another year a QB who could throw through 2” plywood while on one knee in a creek bed. Like... who is researching these random damn facts?? I’m looking forward to hearing about the WR who also juggling swords on a unicycle in the offseason this year.

-The Band: OK, in all seriousness, y’all win the natty in this every year forever... as long as an HBCU isn’t there. JACKSON ST SONIC BOOM STAND UP

2. Some have speculated Lane Kiffin could leave Oxford for Baton Rouge after the season, and LSU fans are kinda split on him. We have plenty of other candidates to vet, but give us some quick pros and cons on Lane so we know who we’re dealing with.

Y’all know what you’re getting in terms of football acumen, so let’s put that to the side and just talk about the off the field stuff.

Pros: enjoys fishing, chill to pull ratio is off the charts

Cons: likes hot yoga, chill to pull ratio is off the charts

3. What kind of scenario would make you mad enough to throw a bottle of mustard on a football field?

Definitely if I had watched Billy Cannon’s punt return in person, that would probably do it for me. Fortunately, I was not there, however I did see the 2006 Magnolia Bowl featuring Coach O at Ole Miss, and a guy named Colt David made a field goal in overtime to beat the Rebels 23-20. This was after Ole Miss had blocked an extra point (exciting!) to force OT. It was a bad year that could have been salvaged by a signature win, but Coach Orgeron was involved so, nah.

4. No snark, Matt Corral is fucking awesome. The reckless abandon he plays with is astonishing and dangerous for anyone within five feet of him. Would you rather be a defensive coordinator trying to scheme up a game plan to stop him, or a Neyland Stadium security guard in the fourth quarter of a game against Ole Miss?

Definitely the latter because that job entails sitting on your ass, watching hillbillies on a meth high act a fool and not doing anything about it for 20-30 minutes. White trash turns orange in the fall if you ask me.

5. Ole Miss announced Eli Manning’s jersey will be retired during the game Saturday. In honor of the meme king, how many years will it be until we see Lane Kiffin giving double birds on ESPN?

If it didn’t happen this past Saturday, it may be the day he is head coach at Alabama and beats Tennessee? Or maybe if USC is ever brave enough to schedule a Lane Kiffin coached team in LA, I could see a tarmac arrival, swagged out in a suit, double bird hello or goodbye.