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Playing Dirty: Alabama

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Let’s get this over with

Syndication: Montgomery Mickey Welsh, Montgomery Advertiser via Imagn Content Services, LLC

Saturday night LSU is going to get their ass kick- uh, I mean play Alabama in football. Here from our friends at Roll Bama Roll is Brent Taylor to give us a scoop on the second-ranked Tide. Huh that’s weird.

1. Wait Bama already has a loss? What the hell? What’s wrong with you guys?

Well, you see.... Sometimes we forget to pay all of our dues to the SEC office in Birmingham, and that winds up with other teams actually having a chance to win. Couple that with the fact that all of college football seemed so dejected and resigned to our dominance last year, and we just kinda wanted to let the other team’s fans get a flicker of hope burning deep within them again.

2. For the first time since Nick Saban arrived at Alabama the game against LSU will not be the CBS SEC Game of the Week. That instead will be Auburn-Texas A&M. What are YOUR favorite Auburn-Texas A&M memories?

Wait, other teams play when they aren’t playing us? I truly thought the college football world centered around Tuscaloosa.

For real, though, have these two teams ever actually played a game of any noteworthiness? I can’t remember anything about a single one of them. So I guess my favorite moments in the series are any time Auburn lost.

3. LSU comes into this matchup 4-4 and with a slew of injuries. Since Bama specializes in football devil magic what kinda spells would you conjure up to heal 12 injured starters?

Deer antler spray is the tried-and-true method. We’ve been using it to great success since 2012. If you’re in to alternative home remedies, you could try just getting good and cutting out the whining.

4. Who are Bama fans’ top candidates for LSU’s coach next season?

Ooooohh I’m glad you asked. I have it all planned out. You see, there’s a particular hobbit-like coach who hails from deep inside Louisiana that would be PERFECT for y’all. Alabama’s defensive coordinator Pete Golding is the ideal candidate. He’s a young, up-and-comer with a nice track record as a recruiter, has ALL the insight into how Saban runs a program (I know LSU fans still long for that), and, of course, is home-grown for you.

(please please please take him off our hands, I’ll include an extra bottle of deer antler spray for your troubles)

5. We know Bama fans are a wild bunch but how did they manage to infiltrate the CFP Playoff committee?

It’s all been part of the long plan that was put into motion in 2011.

You see, Alabama intentionally blew the first game against LSU (I mean, just look at what the kicker did. Of COURSE that was intentional) in order to make sure we got an All-SEC National Championship that we knew we could win if we actually tried. The collateral from that was for the nation to think they could get Alabama out of the Natty every year by going to a playoff.

What they didn’t realize, though, is that our Old money was already entrenched with the powers-that-be, and all it really did was to assure that we got a 1-loss buffer every year to still make the Championship.