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How To Football: Week 5

You can actually watch it all this week!

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Beehive Booted Shift

  • Utah State-BYU: Unfortunately, my Good Aggies are very bad this year and will not content for the Beehive Boot.
  • South Carolina State-South Carolina: Game moved from Saturday to avoid the effects of Ian. Won’t be close.

Bayou Bowl Shift

  • Tulane-Houston: SP+ is calling this one a tossup, which is reason enough for me. Styles make for great games, and you won’t find a much more different approach than Willie Fritz’ modern option against Holgo’s air raid.
  • San Diego State-Boise State: Boise State has issues and I don’t think they get solved this year. But if Boise drops this one, they get downgraded from having issues to having PROBLEMS.
  • UTSA-Middle Tennessee State: Lowkey banger alert. Watch this space.

Roast Bowl Shift

  • Washington-UCLA: I went Burger King on Monday and my Whopper had tickets to this game in it when I expressly asked for no UCLA. I hate it when they get my order wrong.
  • New Mexico-UNLV: It’s football.

Powder Bluegrass Shift

  • Kentucky-Ole Miss: Very excited for this one. Kentucky’s defense is the best defense Ole Miss will face up to this point, and maybe for the entire season. Yes, I know who else they play. And not sure if you’ve heard, but they have a quarterback who can spin the rock pretty well. This could be a really really great game.
  • Michigan-Iowa: Yes...Ha Ha Ha...YES!!!
  • Oklahoma-TCU: We are monitoring and assessing both team’s situation after last week. Just to keep an eye on how things are trending.
  • Purdue-Minnesota: Folks, the boat may be rowing once again.

I Do Love My Maw An Paw Shift

  • Alabama-Arkansas: Holy moly me oh my, Crimson Tide by 25.
  • Oklahoma State-Baylor: The last time these two teams met, it was an instant classic for the Big 12 Title. Oklahoma State has since abandoned the “good defense and okay offense” thing and are back to their dirtbag air raid selves. On the other hand, Baylor has developed an offense, explosiveness and all. So the result could very well be the same, but with a different method.
  • Iowa State-Kansas: Are you ready to talk to your children about a 5-0 Kansas?
  • Oregon State-Utah: For the second week in a row, a very interesting Oregon State is playing a very interesting game and it’s relegated to the PAC-12 Network. Just...the worst, man.

The Barn Isn’t The Only Thing Fired Shift

  • LSU-Auburn: Six years ago, an LSU-Auburn game on the Plains got a head coach fired. Let’s return the favor.
  • NC State-Clemson: GameDay will be here, and at first glance you wonder why but NC State has made it all the way to October not only without NC Stating, but also looking pretty solid all around. So of course, they’ll lose a heartbreaker Saturday night.
  • West Virginia-Texas: It’s not quite an Anxiety Bowl, but it is a Discomfort Bowl.
  • Virginia-Duke: SP+ is calling it a toss-up, which sure!

Go The Fuck To Sleep Shift

  • UC Davis-Montana State: This is by far the best game of the night by virtue of being the only game not to feature a head coach not fired or on the verge of being fired. Take a look of this collection of winners:
  • Colorado-Arizona
  • Arizona State-USC
  • Stanford-Oregon