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How To Football: Week 2


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Shieldball Shift

  • Tennessee-Martin-Missouri State: College football has ceded the second Thursday of September to the NfL’s return and this is the only thing left. Take it or leave it.

Assessment Shift

  • llvll-UCF: So you may have missed it, but Scott Satterfield and the Birds With Human Teeth got PUNKED by Syracuse of all teams in week one, 31-7. If they lose to UCF on national television, things could get dark in north Kentucky fast because I shouldn’t have to remind you that Scott isn’t exactly on the most solid of terms with the school and fanbase.
  • Boise-New Mexico: This should be a bounce back game for Boise. Should be. If it isn’t, we’ll have to have a conversation.

Man I Guess Shift

  • Alabama-Texas: Hey guys have you heard about Saban’s records vs. former assistants it turns out he’s really good and stuff.
  • South Carolina-Arkansas: So while we’re pretending to be interested in Texas-Bama, here’s the actual good game. Both teams passed their tests last week, with Arkansas beating Cincy and South Carolina beating Georgia State more comfortably than we’re used to. I’m also very interested in the quarterback matchup of Spencer Rattler v. KJ Jefferson.
  • Missouri-Kansas State: The Backyard Brawl isn’t the only rivalry revived this September. The last time these two teams met was a decade ago when the Wildcats beat the Tigers 24-17 to snap a five-year streak.
  • UTSA-Army: Rough week for the internet’s adopted team, who lost an overtime thriller to Houston in the third set. Army had a similarly tough start to the season, dropping their opener to Coastal Carolina.


  • Tennessee-Pitt: Pitt’s offense isn’t quite the offense they had last year but I’m excited for this matchup regardless. Should be a great game with Tennessee’ offense that looks to be legit.
  • Iowa State-Iowa: UN DOS TRES QUATRO
  • Houston-Texas Tech: This one has very strong potential to be a tight game. Probably won’t be the track meet you’ve come to expect out of Texas Tech games but fun and close regardless.
  • Virginia-Illinois: It’s not the sexiest matchup but SP+ is predicting this to be a tossup, which will work for me.

Bands A Make Her Dance Shift

  • Southern-LSU: Here for the bands only.
  • Kentucky-Florida: Florida probably turned the most heads in Week 1, but this week we’ll find out if they just had one good week or are the real deal when they face off against a stout Kentucky team and Will Levis, the quarterback that all of NFL Draft Twitter has fallen in love with.
  • Boston College-Virginia Tech: The Brent Pry era didn’t get off to a good start at all, with a road loss to Old Dominion. Picking up his first win in conference play is probably needed to assuage fears.
  • Arizona State-Oklahoma State: Should be a pretty fun game if for no other reason than Mike Gundy got tired of “playing sound defense” and is back on his sling the ball around schitck.

Baptist Young University Shift

  • Baylor-BYU: SP+ is calling this a toss-up, which is perfect for me because Week 1’s late night shift left me wanting for some fireworks to fall asleep to.
  • Oregon State-Fresno State: One notable thing that happened was the Beavers taking the wood to Boise State. I’m growing to be very high on the Beavers and excited to see what they do on the Bulldogs and folk hero Jake Haener.
  • Mississippi State-Arizona: Hey y’all want to see an Air Raid team play a west coast team that kicks off at 10 p.m.? Okay sweet.