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Playing Dirty: Mizzou

There are too many damn Tigers

NCAA Football: Middle Tennessee at Missouri Denny Medley-USA TODAY Sports

LSU is playing Mizzou tomorrow. I tried to talk shit to Sammy Stava of Rock M Nation, but after last Saturday... this is hard.

1. Ugh, look man... I know I’m supposed to come out the gate with an epic troll or something, but I don’t have the energy right now. Our defense just gave up 55 points and we have like zero beef with you guys aside from one heartbreaking loss during a season that didn’t count. I’m struggling here. Say something mean about LSU to get me going.

Look, LSU may very well win this game on Saturday – but it’s Week 6 and your National Championship hopes are all but over with two losses into the season with very high expectations in Year 2 under Brian Kelly. Sorry to burst your bubble!

2. Shit this is hard. LSU won national championships in women’s basketball and baseball this year, does that make Mizzou fans mad? Are y’all still Big 12 enough to have a burning hatred of Kim Mulkey? Do you care about us at all?

Does LSU winning a women’s basketball and a college baseball championship in the same year make Mizzou fans mad? Heck yeah it does – because I just want Mizzou Baseball to at least make a dang NCAA Regional at some point since in the SEC. To be honest, Missouri’s best shot at a National Championship right now is where the SEC doesn’t have the sport – wrestling.

I don’t know if there’s a burning hatred for Kim Mulkey but she is pretty annoying. Do we care about LSU? Not exactly because they’re in the West Division, but that changes next season I guess.

3. Okay you know what? No more jokes. We need serious advice. You guys used to be in the Big 12. A lot of our fans like to joke that you still are. Not me, because I believe a team with our defense calling another team Big 12 in a derogatory fashion is hypocritical. So tell me, how do we enjoy games where we know our defense will probably surrender a touchdown on every possession? How do we enjoy an offense that’s one of our best ever, but will be considered a failure if they punt one single time?

Well, if you like offensive shootouts – Saturday is going to be the game for you. Track meet. Take the over. And I don’t think it would be a failure if LSU punts one time because Missouri’s defense should be pretty good – they just haven’t lived up to their full potential yet. Relax, will you?

4. Ooh I’ve got a good one. (Clears throat and activates sarcasm voice) LSU got blown out by Georgia in Atlanta last year. Since you guys are experts, can you give us tips on how to barely lose to Georgia instead of getting blown out? You guys seem pretty good at that!

I mean, it definitely helps that last season’s game was at home for Mizzou instead of at Georgia. And let’s be honest, UGA didn’t play their A-game when Mizzou almost pulled off that upset last season. But yeah, to your point, we are pretty good at barely losing! We haven’t lost yet this season, though. And that’s what matters.

5. Ugh, I’m sorry, that was mean. This was a mistake. This isn’t the game or time to play dirty. Let’s just be friends. This is already a big conference and now we’re about to get two new kids in class, and from what I’ve heard they can be real jerks. Let’s just enjoy what is almost certainly (yet again) going to be a high-scoring football game. Can we do that?

Yessir. Oklahoma and Texas fans are…not great. But let’s enjoy the game on Saturday. It should definitely be a good one. Like I said, take the over. And when I say that the game will probably end up being 7-6 because of course. Win or lose, best of luck the rest of the way.